Thought Theater

My Imaginary Friends genre: Hip-Gnosis

Santa Claus and God have a lot in common. Their existence is hard to prove yet everybody seemingly starts out believing. Both persist despite doubts to the contrary and they live on because their underlying messages of kindness and goodness remain timeless and true. However, they begin to diverge as judgments are made about people who no longer believe in God's existence. Little analysis is given to whether these non-believers keep his spirit and his message alive and pass it forward like they do with Santa Claus. It's an essential consideration, yet one all too often ignored.

My first notion of God was that he was the reason I had to wake up early on Sundays and go to church when I preferred to sleep. He was a nuisance who provided an obstacle to overcome. Over time, I figured out a number of ways to avoid going to mass. Obviously, God and I weren't on the best of terms.

We had many other encounters. Growing up on a farm brought us together as I sought to understand the random nature of life. My first vivid recollection is about a calf named Buttercup. Raising orphaned calves meant there were always health issues. It was a risky proposition. Buttercup was one of the unlucky ones. She was small and lovable but her gentle demeanor and lack of aggressiveness made her vulnerable.

She soon took ill and we struggled to save her life. I remember boiling the syringe and needles in order to sanitize them for her next shot. At the same time, I prayed for God to save Buttercup, but in the end she died. Others followed, but she was the first to capture my attention and affections and to facilitate my frequent conversations with God.

The most memorable was a baby pig named Matilda. The night she arrived, she had the misfortune of finding her way into a pen with much larger pigs where she was seriously injured. The vet was doubtful she would survive but I refused to accept that death was her fate. In a box in our basement, she remained recumbent for a number of days. All the while I prayed that she would live. I placed my St. Francis medal on Matilda while asking God's help. Her recovery was long, but she survived and I thanked God as we grew to be better friends.

It wasn't long before I realized I was gay. I wanted it to go away but it became a constant torment. Night after night I asked God to let me wake up a changed person. I wanted to be like everyone else. I proffered God many promises while hoping he would grant my wish but it didn't happen and our relationship waned. We still had conversations but they diminished as church teachings left me feeling increasingly disconnected from him. When we did speak, I often asked him to help others through difficulties. My own cause felt lost but I still hoped God would help those I loved.

As I grew older, my feelings towards God and, more directly, the church were defined by anger. Over time, I learned it was foolish and fruitless to be angry at God. His legacy, like Santa's, remained valuable regardless of his existence. My relationship with both need not be defined by or dependent upon others. I could still believe in the principles they represented and that I had integrated into my own values. Today's culture wars seemingly ignore these nuances. For many, values have become an all or nothing equation.

We've all had a relationship with God and Santa Claus. Mine were both meaningful. Belief doesn't necessarily portend goodness and doubt need not predict evil. Whether we created God or God created us is irrelevant. Beliefs are simply that...but actions are tangible and measurable. What I took from these relationships is what's important. Empathy for humanity is the origin of goodness and it's a choice we each make. Whatever we believe, whatever we are, goodness is measured the same. Treating others with dignity and respect is necessary regardless of belief. When we choose it, we pass it on. I learned that lesson from a couple exemplary old friends. Their legacies live on in every deliberate good deed.