Thought Theater

I rarely read The Drudge Report but his posting that the Clinton campaign is considering when she should withdraw from the race for the Democratic nomination caught my attention.

I guess I'm wondering how the media's inevitable winner for months has suddenly been forced to consider how soon she needs to pack it in. I find it rather remarkable that 230,000 Iowans can elicit a virtual about face on the part of the media and the Clinton campaign in a matter of days. In all fairness to Drudge, I'm sure the topic has been discussed by the Clinton folks. I'm just not sure it's all that newsworthy

With that in mind, and on the heels of the Drudge "scoop", I decided it was time to offer my own tongue-in-cheek version of The Drudge Report.

Without further adieu, I present The Sludge Report.

Top Ten 2008 Campaign Scoops Missed By The Drudge Report:

Number Ten:

In a surprise encounter in New Hampshire, Hillary pulled Monica Lewinsky’s hair and called her a bitch, at which point Bill intervened in time to block the haymaker the Senator was about to launch.

Number Nine:

In an effort to rework her campaign strategy, Hillary contacted a plastic surgeon regarding a quick makeover to shed fifteen years so she could go toe to toe with the more youthful Barack Obama.

Number Eight:

Hillary dispatched an envoy to Kenya to enlist Barack Obama’s grandmother in convincing her grandson to withdraw from the race.

Number Seven:

Chelsea Clinton will disclose an affair with Mitt Romney and admit she revealed critical campaign strategies to cajole the ex-governor out of his holy undergarments.

Number Six:

It will soon be revealed that Dr. Phil’s surprise decision to forego a show dealing with Britney Spears illness was made to allow him to join Hillary on the campaign trail. Reports indicate that Dr. Phil will expose the fact that Oprah is secretly dating Condoleezza Rice.

Number Five:

Sources in Arkansas will soon disclose that Mike Huckabee is the illegitimate brother of Bill Clinton. The investigation was launched following the realization that both grew up in Hope, Arkansas and that both men are musically inclined.

Number Four:

The Clinton campaign is set to disclose that the $400.00 paid by John Edwards for a haircut was actually hush money to prevent the disclosure that his lustrous hair is actually a weave.

Number Three:

The Romney campaign will disclose that Rudy Giuliani actually withdrew from the New York Senate race because his secretive trips to the Hampton’s were actually clandestine meetings with his then girlfriend, the recently jilted Mrs. Clinton.

Number Two:

Bill Richardson will reveal that his lighthearted comment during the recent New Hampshire debate in which he stated...“I’ve been in hostage negotiations that are a lot more civil than this"...was actually a reference to his time in the Clinton administration when he called the Oval Office and pleaded with the President to put down his cigar and allow an unidentified White House staffer to come out from under the President’s desk.

Number One:

Dennis Kucinich will reveal that he and Senator Clinton were abducted by an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) in Washington DC and probed for several hours by aliens whose leaders looked strangely similar to Alberto Gonzales and Dick Cheney.