Tongue-In-Cheek: September 2007: Archives

September 29, 2007

MAD TV: The New Apple iPad (Adult Content) genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Mad TV offers a spoof of the much publicized Apple iPod...one that they call the iPad. It's one of the funnier spoofs I've seen in a while.

Tagged as: Apple, Humor, iPod, Mad TV

Daniel DiRito | September 29, 2007 | 7:22 AM | link | Comments (2)
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September 28, 2007

The Daily Show Serves O'Reilly A Can Of Whoop Ass genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

The Daily Show takes Bill O'Reilly to task on his racially insensitive remarks. O'Reilly's comments followed his visit to Sylvia's Restaurant in Harlem with Rev. Al Sharpton. After Jon Stewart sets the table in the first video clip, Larry Wilmore cleans the plate.

Wilmore provides a "man on the street" report which takes the apparent ignorance of O'Reilly to its extreme in order to emphasize the absurdity of Bill's blundering blabber. It is one of the funniest Daily Show correspondent reports I've seen this year.

As I watched the Wilmore report, I kept imagining Bill O'Reilly sitting in front of his TV, his jaw locked down on a loofah, growling with rage at the ridicule being directed at his fragile, yet fully inflated ego. Yes, I confess...I then laughed hysterically at the possibility that it may well be true.

Jon Stewart Attempts To Explain Bill O'Reilly's Views

Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore's Visits Sylvia's

Tagged as: Bill O'Reilly, Harlem, Humor, Jon Stewart, Larry Wilmore, Racism, Sylvia's, The Daily Show

Daniel DiRito | September 28, 2007 | 10:43 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 27, 2007

"Rush" To Judgment: Can You Identify The Phony? genre: Polispeak & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

Well that didn't take long. In the aftermath of the demand to condemn the questionable MoveOn.org advertisement singling out General Petraeus' for his role in supporting the Bush administration policy in Iraq, it seemed likely that one of the many Bush apologists would soon step into some deep doodoo. As fortune would have it, the winner turns out to be none other than Rush Limbaugh.

From Media Matters:

During the September 26 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Rush Limbaugh called service members who advocate U.S. withdrawal from Iraq "phony soldiers." He made the comment while discussing with a caller a conversation he had with a previous caller, "Mike from Chicago," who said he "used to be military," and "believe[s] that we should pull out of Iraq." Limbaugh told the second caller, whom he identified as "Mike, this one from Olympia, Washington," that "[t]here's a lot" that people who favor U.S. withdrawal "don't understand" and that when asked why the United States should pull out, their only answer is, " 'Well, we just gotta bring the troops home.' ... 'Save the -- keeps the troops safe' or whatever," adding, "[I]t's not possible, intellectually, to follow these people." "Mike" from Olympia replied, "No, it's not, and what's really funny is, they never talk to real soldiers. They like to pull these soldiers that come up out of the blue and talk to the media." Limbaugh interjected, "The phony soldiers." The caller, who had earlier said, "I am a serving American military, in the Army," agreed, replying, "The phony soldiers."

As Media Matters for America has documented, Limbaugh denounced as "contemptible" and "indecent" MoveOn.org's much-discussed advertisement -- titled "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" -- critical of Gen. David Petraeus, but has repeatedly attacked the patriotism of those with whom he disagrees. For instance, on the January 25 broadcast of his radio show, he told his audience that he had a new name for Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE), a Vietnam veteran: "Senator Betrayus."

_______________________________________________

Limbaugh has been pushing the envelope for years...frequently jumping up and down on the line but seemingly succeeding in not crossing the threshold of no return. With the timing of his latest remarks...so close on the heels of the MoveOn.org fiasco...Rush may have finally failed to sneak one by.

The man who fashions himself to be a skillful tactician...on the order of an Olympic diver...able to jump into an issue head first, speak his piece, and leave behind insufficient evidence of his obtuse and offensive persona...may have finally committed the proverbial belly flop; leaving behind enough proof to warrant his disqualification.

Limbaugh's reflections have long been directed at the unwitting...and with this latest assault upon soldiers who serve their country honorably...he has once again chosen to wield his haughty hammer like a crazed carpenter in a glass house. Fortunately, the self-absorbed oxy-gen receptacle (code for pill popping windbag) may have misjudged his swing and shattered his own house of smoke and mirrors.

If it isn't obvious, I'll not lose any sleep while his actions are probed...in ways that he'll hopefully find to be reminiscent of a visit to the one fingered physician. All I can say is, "Enjoy the examination, Rush!"

Rush Is Phony

Tagged as: Drugs, Hypocrisy, Michael J. Fox, MoveOn.org, Phony, Rush Limbaugh, U.S. Troops

Daniel DiRito | September 27, 2007 | 7:53 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 26, 2007

Stop Satan: Shuttin' Down The Supper Club genre: Gaylingual & Hip-Gnosis & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

The christians are not happy campers at the moment. Their anger centers upon an advertisement for the Folsom Street Fair, a gay event held annually in San Francisco. The ad uses the format of The Last Supper as the setting for the print image; populating the table with individuals dressed in stereotypical gay regalia...and the table is "sinfully" littered with a variety of sex toys. Naturally, the bible brigade finds the image to be sickeningly sacrilegious...which of course means they have reacted with more than sufficient sanctimony.

Enough of my sarcasm...I'll let the christians speak for themselves. The following excerpts are a sampling of the outrage found on the internet.

From CNS News:

Organizers of San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair -- sponsored by Miller Brewing Co. -- have portrayed Christ and his disciples as half-naked homosexual sadomasochists in the event's promotional advertisement, and the conservative group Concerned Women for America is complaining about the hypocrisy of it.

"The bread and wine representing Christ's broken body and lifegiving blood are replaced with sadomasochistic sex toys in this twisted version of Da Vinci's The Last Supper," CWA said on its Web site.

CWA is calling on California politicians -- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sens. Feinstein and Boxer among them -- to "publicly condemn this unprovoked attack against Christ and His followers.

"We further challenge the media to cover this affront to Christianity with the same vigor as recent stories about cartoon depictions of Mohammed and other items offensive to the Muslim community," CWA said.

From Moonbattery.com:

The fair describes itself as "the world's largest leather event." The city supports it by shutting down several city blocks and providing security. It is financed in part by the same South African–owned Miller Beer that has also supported illegal alien rallies.

Oh that disgusting city of San Francisco...how dare they grant permits and block off streets for gay events...and that naughty Miller Brewing Company...how dare they sponsor gay events and activities by those terrible illegal immigrants...and let's not forget the evil and liberal mainstream media! Apparently, the christians are prone to persecution complexes. I'm sure the city of San Francisco wouldn't deny them permits for events and I'd bet Miller would be happy to offer its sponsorship. Of course I suspect the christians would find San Francisco an unacceptable city and Miller an inappropriate sponsor.

Anyway, here's what the folks at Moonbattery.com think it would take to get anyone to pay attention to their concerns:

Unfortunately, Christians would have to fly a few planes into buildings full of people before that will ever happen. The media only sides with the bad guys.

I guess this confirms that the GOP has succeeded in portraying liberals and the media as unpatriotic terrorist sympathizers to their base. It also appears that the christians have mobilized and captured Miller's attention...enough so that the company has asked to be immediately removed from the print material...issuing the following statement on their website:

From Miller Brewing Company:

Statement Regarding Folsom Street Fair

While Miller has supported the Folsom Street Fair for several years, we take exception to the poster the organizing committee developed this year. We understand some individuals may find the imagery offensive and we have asked the organizers to remove our logo from the poster effective immediately.

Well, after a little research, it seems that the Folsom Street Fair isn't the only group that has found The Last Supper to be an attractive theme for publicity campaigns and print materials. I've included a couple of the most recognizable ones in the graphic at the bottom of this posting.

Yes, as you can see, The Last Supper served as the setting for the characters in the Star Wars movies and for the cast of the HBO series, The Sopranos. No, I don't think the Soprano family will receive an exception for being Italian Catholics...they seem to have a bit of a problem with most of the commandments. It is interesting that I've never heard any criticism of these depictions of The Last Supper...but then again, they aren't tied to the gay community.

Given Miller's decision and the lack of focus on the other depictions, I decided to take a look at the advertiser's who have been featured on the Sopranos. Keep in mind that HBO doesn't run advertisements; instead they place name brand products in their programs...providing exposure that has great value. The following excerpts provide the relevant details:

From USA Today:

The creators of the HBO shows do accept free use of cars and other goods. It cuts costs and adds realism. The days of TV characters drinking generic "beer" are over. Sopranos creator David Chase and his team of writers frequently write brand names into scripts to add reality to the show, which is averaging 10.8 million viewers per week, according to Nielsen Marketing Research. Jersey boy Chase is a stickler: When Carmela Soprano reaches for milk, he demands it be a brand distributed in New Jersey, says Landress.

If marketers had to pay for ads on The Sopranos, the cost would equal $287,325 for a 30-second spot and HBO would pocket $6.8 million per show, according to a study by DiMassimo.

Landress rejects "exclusive" offers that would make HBO borrow products from a single marketer in a category. She says consumers see competing brands, so The Sopranos' writers want variety: Motorola and Nokia cell phones; Apple and Gateway computers; Mercedes (Tony's girlfriend Gloria was a Mercedes dealer), Lexus and Range Rover autos (both driven by Christopher Moltisanti); Coke and Pepsi (the gangsters drink Coke; the feds like Pepsi); SnackWell's and Turkey Hill foods favored by Carmela.

___________________________________________________

Strange as it may seem, I'm not aware of anyone objecting to these high profile companies supporting The Sopranos...a show which has used The Last Supper imagery and that is arguably not an ideal representation of family values.

Now that the Sopranos has ended its run on HBO, the rights to the series have been purchased by Arts & Entertainment...and they do sell advertising...and they need to given what they paid for the privilege of airing the show. In addition to the companies mentioned in the following excerpts, ad time has also been bought by Ford, Sonic, and Paramount Pictures.

From Broadcasting & Cable:

Once-stodgy A&E surprised many in the TV community when it won a January 2005 bidding war for rights to rerun the HBO show, agreeing to pay $2.55 million an episode. The searing crime drama roared out of the gate with 4.4 million total viewers, including 1.9 million in the key adults 18-49 demo.

At the same time, the show helped coax 30 new advertisers to A&E in 2006, with another 20 already set for 2007, says AETN Ad Sales Executive VP Mel Berning. The client list includes Yellow Book, Texas Instruments, Alltel, TGI Friday's and Taco Bell.

“They're meeting their guarantees and obligations," says PHD Executive VP/Director of National Broadcast Harry Keeshan, who bought ads for his client Quiznos and is pitching the show to new advertisers this year.
___________________________________________________

Let's take a look at Star Wars and the cash cow marketing monster it has become with the reworking of the original trilogy, the subsequent prequel movies, and the release of enhanced DVD's and countless other products. Oh, and let's not forget Fox's connections to the Star Wars money machine.

From USA Today:

Star Wars is one of the all-time moneymaking franchises, generating nearly $3.4 billion in global box office and $9 billion in retail sales since 1977. As the buzz builds for the finale of George Lucas' space series, consumers won't be able to swing a light saber without seeing, hearing or reading references to Darth Vader, Yoda or Obi-Wan Kenobi over the next month.

Promotional partners Pepsi, Burger King, Cingular Wireless, America Online, M&M/Mars and Kellogg are launching a multimillion-dollar cross-promotion to push their own brands while basking in the reflected glory of Hollywood. As partners, they get the rights to use Star Wars characters in their advertising.

From Wikipedia:

In 1999, to promote Episode I: The Phantom Menace, the remaining "Special Edition" films (V and VI) aired on U.S. broadcast network Fox (they bypassed premium cable for direct broadcast airing). That same year, Fox acquired all television rights to Episode I after the premium cable networks declined due to cost. A similar situation nearly happened with Attack of the Clones, until HBO struck a last-minute deal with Fox and Lucasfilm for the exclusive pay-cable rights.

The Fox network acquired the U.S. network television rights, in April/May 2005, to promote the then-upcoming Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, with Episodes I, IV, V, and VI placed in limited syndicated television distribution, (on Fox affiliates in most markets) while the Fox network was able to air Episode II in mid-May, prior to Episode III's initial theatrical release.

___________________________________________________

So the "fair and balanced" network has been a key player in the marketing of Star Wars...which we know means that the network made a fair share of money from the sale of advertising time to big name companies. Again, I can't recall anyone calling on Fox and the many advertisers involved with Star Wars to cease their involvement with these movies as a result of the blasphemous Last Supper depiction.

No, the christians apparently give Star Wars and The Sopranos and Fox and countless large corporate advertisers a free pass; instead deciding to go after a gay event held in San Francisco...one which most Americans have never heard about or attended. Are we to conclude that the pursuit and condemnation of the "militant" gays and their inferred insistence upon defiling religion at an event in San Francisco is a greater threat to christianity than the likes of Star Wars, The Sopranos, and Fox Network?

The following excerpts provide the latest reactions from The Catholic League:

Catholic League president Bill Donohue announced a national boycott of Miller Beer on this morning’s “Fox and Friends." He explains why today:

“Never have we experienced greater corporate arrogance than in this dispute with the Miller Brewing Company. Miller is sponsoring an incredibly outrageous and palpably anti-Christian event in San Francisco: the Folsom Street Fair (see its website at folsomstreetfair.com and be prepared to see the shocking photos of what goes on).

“Accordingly, Miller leaves us with no options: we are calling on more than 200 Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu organizations to join with us in a nationwide boycott of Miller beer. We feel confident that once our religious allies kick in, and once the public sees the photos of an event Miller is proudly supporting, the Milwaukee brewery will come to its senses and pull its sponsorship altogether. If it doesn’t, the only winners will be Anheuser Busch and Coors."

Contact: Miller spokesman Julian Green at green.julian@mbco.com
Phone: 1-800-MILLER 6 or 414-931-2000

___________________________________________________

Perhaps all of these outraged groups need to take a look at the other depictions of The Last Supper before they decide to single out the gay community and one large corporate sponsor. While the christians love to accuse the gay community of hypocrisy and bigotry, it seems to be the christians who fail to grasp the meaning of hypocrisy.

Until they begin applying their outrage equitably, I see this latest assault as more of the same...an opportunity to further their hateful agenda...an agenda focused upon dispersing anti-gay propaganda whenever and wherever they find an opportunity.

I guess I'm going to have to start drinking Miller Beer and watching The Sopranos on A&E and Star Wars on my Fox Network affiliate. Oh the inhumanity of it all!

The Last Supper

Tagged as: Catholic League, Fanatacism, Folsom Street Fair, Fox Network, Homophobia, LGBT, Miller Brewing Company, Religion, San Francisco, Star Wars, The Last Supper, The Sopranos

Daniel DiRito | September 26, 2007 | 11:44 PM | link | Comments (2)
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Mahmoud Dearest: Scrubbing The Gay Out Of Iran genre: Gaylingual & Polispeak & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

So much for Iran's commitment to freedom. Following the appearance of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at Columbia University, the Iranian government has scrubbed the portion of the Iranian President's remarks which included his assertion that there aren't any homosexuals in Iran. Apparently, President Ahmadinejad and those in power in Iran now believe that the mere mention of gay is unacceptable.

H/T to Page One Q

While many American's opposed Columbia's decision to allow the Iranian President to speak, I believe it provided the world with another opportunity to see the degree to which this man is out of touch with reality. Hopefully, the Iranian people will see his comments and the reactions. If they do, perhaps they will begin the process of replacing Mr. Ahmadinejad and his extremist government.

I decided to have a little fun with Mr. Ahmadinejad and his outrageous comments. Fortunately, his first name, Mahmoud, provided the perfect opportunity to create the following graphic spoof...Mahmoud Dearest.

Mahmoud Dearest

Tagged as: Columbia University, Humor, Iran, LGBT, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Daniel DiRito | September 26, 2007 | 2:51 PM | link | Comments (1)
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September 23, 2007

Real Time With Bill Maher: New Rules 09/21/07 genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Bill Maher offers his typically witty and gritty new rules...from a sarcastic demand that our next President have lips so that he can tell where the lies are coming from...to a clear and concise statement on the problem with religion being a political litmus test in this country.

Maher offers a much welcomed observation that non-believers are rational beings who are also entitled to impose a test when selecting a candidate. He closes by pointing out that a President who didn't believe in heaven might be less willing to put our soldiers at risk in ill-advised wars and suggesting that while non-believers are only twenty percent of the population, a majority used to also think the world is flat.

Tagged as: Atheism, Bill Maher, Mitt Romney, New Rules, Religion

Daniel DiRito | September 23, 2007 | 12:25 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 22, 2007

The Colbert Report On "Tossing" Your Salad & More genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Colbert draws an interesting connection between the recent bagged salad recall and the Russian directive for its citizens to take a day off to make more babies. Stephen first argues that salad cannot be eaten bareback for fear of e-coli bacteria; only to change his mind and call for all out salad "tossing" to combat the Russian threat.

Tagged as: Humor, Stephen Colbert, ThreatDown

Daniel DiRito | September 22, 2007 | 11:02 AM | link | Comments (1)
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September 20, 2007

Jackass: The Sequel - Twenty Two Donkeys For "W" genre: Hip-Gnosis & Little Red Ribbon-Hood & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Twenty two Democratic Senators broke ranks and voted with the GOP to issue a resolution condemning the recent MoveOn.org advertisement in the New York Times. The advertisement asked the question, "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?", insinuating that the report of the General was little more than carrying water for the Bush administration's failed war in Iraq.

Take whatever side you choose on the advisability of the advertisement, but the fact that the Democratic Party allowed such a measure to pass is perhaps the single most stupid act of political suicide I've witnessed in years. To think that an act of free speech rises to the level of requiring such a resolution is mind boggling.

The fact that the entire event was masterfully manipulated to include the President slamming a softball of a question on the subject out of the park at the end of his hastily arranged press conference ought to be seen for what it was...a full-on partisan stunt and an insult to the intelligence of the voting public.

Worse still, the Democrats tucked their tails and cowered in the corner. Maybe we need to requisition diapers for our infantile Senators. What an absolute load of childish political drama on the part of the GOP; what a disgusting demonstration of spineless submission on the part of the Democrats.

Once you've had a chance to barf at the idiocy of the bungling burros, perhaps the following graphic will help you muster a much needed chuckle.

Twenty Two Donkeys For Brother Bush

Tagged as: Democrats, General David Petraeus, George W. Bush, GOP, Iraq, MoveOn.org

Daniel DiRito | September 20, 2007 | 5:48 PM | link | Comments (1)
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September 18, 2007

Conan: Triumph Sues Helmsley's Dog Trouble genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Conan O'Brien and Dr. Phil have a little fun with the fact that Leona Helmsley left 12 million dollars to her dog, Trouble, an eight year old Maltese.

In the sketch, Triumph, the dog reportedly suing Trouble, explains to Dr. Phil why he is entitled to a share of the money...offering photos of his trysts with the mischievous Maltese as well as introducing Dr. Phil to their alleged offspring.

In the process, Triumph takes doesn't miss an opportunity to take a number of pot shots at Dr. Phil...and Leona...and Sally Jessy Raphael...and society.

Tagged as: Conan O'Brien, Dr. Phil, Humor, Leona Helmsley, NBC, Sally Jessy Raphael, Triumph, Trouble

Daniel DiRito | September 18, 2007 | 11:16 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 15, 2007

Britney Defender Chris Crocker On Jimmy Kimmel genre: Gaylingual & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Chris Crocker, following up on his tearful defense of Britney Spears on YouTube, is interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel in the following video. For some reason, I'm getting a big kick out of this completely bizarre situation...and Kimmel's quick wit simply adds to the intrigue. I'm not sure how long Crocker's moment of fame will last, but I have to admit I've enjoyed every minute of it.

Tagged as: Britney Spears, Chris Crocker, Jimmy Kimmel, LGBT

Daniel DiRito | September 15, 2007 | 1:11 PM | link | Comments (0)
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Real Time With Bill Maher: New Rules 09/14/07 genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Bill Maher offers a montage of observations...from a little fun at Britney's expense to a screed on the recent whining about the price reduction on iPhones and the tech nerds who insist on standing in line to buy the latest gadget...at whatever price.

Bill ends with a diatribe on public breast feeding and our nations preoccupation with petty issues...a shift which Maher contends has turned activism into narcissism.

Tagged as: Bill Maher, Breast Feeding, Britney Spears, iPhone, New Rules

Daniel DiRito | September 15, 2007 | 12:52 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 13, 2007

Leave Britney & General Petraeus Alone! genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

By now everyone should have heard about Chris Crocker's "Leave Britney Alone!" moment...his fifteen minutes of fame...an impassioned and tearful plea to lay off the troubled celebrity following her less than flattering performance on MTV's Video Music Awards. If you haven't seen this video, you must.

I know it's wrong to laugh at others, but each time I watch this video, I find myself virtually hysterical...and not in a manner similar to Chris...more like laughing my you know what off while rolling on the floor (think a smaller version of Britney...wearing a respectable outfit).

Well, it didn't take long for the copycats to come out of the woodwork. The second video included below is supposed to be our dear President pleading with the American people to "Leave General Petraeus Alone!". While its not as funny as the Britney video, you have to give the guy props for the idea. Besides, I'm in one of those moods where I'm looking for something to laugh about...and these two videos are just what the doctor ordered.

Leave Britney Alone!

Leave General Petraeus Alone!

Leave General Petraeus Alone

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Tagged as: Britney Spears, Chris Crocker, General Petraeus, George W. Bush, Humor, Iraq, Troop Surge

Daniel DiRito | September 13, 2007 | 6:44 PM | link | Comments (1)
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September 11, 2007

Bush To Announce Troop Cuts...And Much More? genre: Tongue-In-Cheek

George Bush

In a statement of the inevitable and the obvious, the President intends to address the American public to "announce" his intention to withdraw approximately 30,000 troops by next summer. Unfortunately, this move is hardly a policy shift as the troop reduction is necessitated by the established tour of duty time frames.

Further, in the absence of a plan to offset the impact of the troop reduction, one must wonder how long it will be before Iraq is once again in the midst of unmitigated civil war.

From CNN:

Gen. David Petraeus, the top U.S. commander in the country, told Congress this week he could see troop numbers sliding by 30,000 -- which would reduce the number of troops to pre-surge levels -- by July 2008.

Administration officials did not specifically say the president would use the 30,000 figure -- but one said he would "make clear there are challenges ahead in Iraq, but also enough progress" to reduce troop levels.

From The Associated Press:

In the speech, the president will say he understands Americans' deep concerns about U.S. involvement in Iraq and their desire to bring the troops home, they said. Bush will say that, after hearing from Petraeus and Crocker, he has decided on a way forward that will reduce the U.S. military presence but not abandon Iraq to chaos, according to the officials.

In his speech, Bush will adopt Petraeus' call for more time to determine the pace and scale of future withdrawals and offer to report to Congress in March, one official said.

As Petraeus and Crocker have, Bush will acknowledge difficulties, and the fact that few of the benchmarks set by Congress to measure progress of the buildup have been met, the official said. Yet, he will stress that a precipitous U.S. withdrawal would be a catastrophe for Iraq and U.S. interests.

In an unusual admission, Petraeus said he was not sure whether his proposal on Iraq would make America safer.

I'm rather baffled. Prior to the surge, the President indicated we needed more time to achieve important benchmarks. However, all indications are that few of the benchmarks needed to sustain the security success afforded by the surge have been achieved. As such, the American public is being asked to endorse the next six month extension...one of many such requests; each of which has failed to meet the established goals.

Toss in the fact that our top general hasn't pondered whether our efforts in Iraq have made America safer and one has to wonder if anyone has a full grasp of our strategy...you know...the one that began in the aftermath of 9/11...the one that is supposed to combat terrorism and protect the homeland.

Frankly, one would be hard pressed to track the many revisionist rationales which have been brought forth in the wake of numerous miscalculations and persistent mismanagement.

In keeping with the absurd quality of this latest dose of rose colored rhetoric, I offer my own list of far fetched announcements voters would be justified to expect from the President in his national address.

Number One:

The President is also expected to announce that April will follow March in 2008...all but assuring that the President will complete his term without ever encountering the need to rearrange the months of the year.

Number Two:

George Bush will announce that the Axis of Evil will become the "Triangle of Terror" because he no longer believes "Aks us of evil?" should be phrased as a question.

Number Three:

The President will announce a snag in talks with North Korea on their "nucular" ambitions. While they are expected to cooperate in dismantling their nuclear facilities, they have remained silent on their clandestine "nucular" program.

Number Four:

In perhaps the most stunning development, the President is expected to announce his strong support for Austrian Prime Minister John Howard in the upcoming Australian elections.

Number Five:

George Bush will announce that those children left behind have had long enough to catch up...they either pick up the pace or suffer the consequences...we simply can't wait any longer.

Number Six:

The President is expected to announce that he will join a think tank upon his exit from the White House. An unidentified source tells us that the think tank will be called WHAT NOW (With Hardly A Thought Needed Or Warranted).

Number Seven:

George Bush will announce his cameo appearance in the upcoming movie sequel, "Mission Impossible IV", a move that signals he has finally decided to abandon plans to finish his ambitious epic tragedy "Mission Accomplished".

Number Eight:

In his prime time appearance, the President will announce a moratorium on the "Ownership Society" until such time as the sub-prime/mortgage lending crisis has abated. The announcement is expected to include a conciliatory "Awww, your house got foreclosed...too bad...try again next time."

Number Nine:

The President intends to ask Congress to introduce legislation enacting an amendment to the ADA which will require the widening of all restroom stalls to a minimum of six feet...a move intended to better accommodate those Americans who are afflicted with the disability of, and suffer the discrimination from, a chronic wide stance. Homosexuals will not be granted protected status under the amendment.

Number Ten:

Lastly, the President is expected to announce that General Petraeus is prepared to give the correct answer to the question, "Has the war in Iraq made us safer?". Petraeus also understands that he will affirm that his revised answer was prepared without the oversight of, or influence from, the White House.

Tagged as: David Petraeus, George W. Bush, Humor, Iraq, Sectarian Violence, Troop Surge, Troop Withdrawal

Daniel DiRito | September 11, 2007 | 3:24 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 10, 2007

Is The President's Message In The Petraeus Report? genre: Just Jihad & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

There are countless takes on the Petraeus report and the degree to which the Bush administration may have influenced or manipulated the content.

Generally speaking, it appears that the President, through the report and its proposed troop reductions, may have succeeded in buying the support of enough Republican Senators to insure that the Democrats cannot or will not attempt to impose a deadline for troop withdrawals.

It certainly appears that the President intends to hand off the mess in Iraq...and therefore force his successor to bring the war to a conclusion. Presumably, the President has come to two conclusions. One, the war cannot be won before the end of his term...and two, he will not be the one to concede that the effort is futile and seek an exit strategy.

One cannot underestimate the strategic acumen of the Bush administration...regardless of one's chosen ideological alignment. Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder whether this latest effort is anything more than a last ditch effort to rescue, or at least sufficiently blur the certainty by which historians will be able to characterize the Bush legacy.

If the President's apologists are able to argue that his successor shifted strategies before his "bold" vision was able to come to fruition, they may be able to deflect some of the negative evaluations and attributions which appear to be headed his way.

Given the abundance of analysis that has already been disseminated today, I decided to provide the following graphic in an attempt to offer my own sarcastic summarization of the closing strategy and the parting message of the President. Feel free to let me know if you see an alternate message or if it reads the same to you.

Inside The Numbers title=

Tagged as: David Petraeus, George W. Bush, Iraq, Legacy, Nation Building, Troop Surge

Daniel DiRito | September 10, 2007 | 8:09 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 9, 2007

Bill Maher New Rules: 09/07/07 genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Bill Maher takes the latest news and offers his typically witty and insightful set of new rules...taking extra time to toy with the toe tapping tale of Senator Larry Craig.

Maher moves onto a dissection of the Bush administration and his legacy...pointing out that the President's certainty...as reported in the recent biography by Robert Draper, Dead Certain: The Presidency Of George W. Bush...isn't necessarily a virtue. Maher closes with a suggestion that a little doubt on the part of the President would have been advisable and is, of course, long overdue.

Bill Maher - New Rules: 09/07/07

Tagged as: Bill Maher, Col. Lawrence Wilkerson, Cornel West, George W. Bush, HBO, Larry Craig, Mos Def, Ralph Nader

Daniel DiRito | September 9, 2007 | 9:58 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 7, 2007

Two Holes In The Head Count As One Per The Bush genre: Just Jihad & Polispeak & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

As we wait with bated breath for the Petraeus report on the troop surge and progress in Iraq, the Bush administration appears to be busy redefining the manner in which the facts are gathered. If it weren't so clearly...

Tagged as: Casualty Counts, David Petraeus, George W. Bush, Iraq, Sectarian Violence, Troop Surge

Daniel DiRito | September 7, 2007 | 2:01 PM | link | Comments (5)
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September 5, 2007

Senator Larry Craig Takes A New Stance? genre: Gaylingual & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

As if Larry Craig hasn't drawn enough attention, it is now being reported that the Idaho Senator is considering the withdrawal of his intent to resign from the Senate. From The Idaho Statesman: U.S. Sen. Larry Craig says he...

Tagged as: Arlen Specter, Gay, Homophobia, Idaho, Larry Craig, LGBT, Tearoom, U.S. Senate, Wide Stance

Daniel DiRito | September 5, 2007 | 10:22 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 4, 2007

Little Britain: Daffyd Interviews Elton John genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Little Britain, a sitcom from the United Kingdom, chronicles the escapades of Daffyd, a gay man in a remote Welsh city. He likes the other inhabitants of his city to think he is the only homosexual in the area....

Tagged as: Daffyd, Elton John, Humor, LGBT, Little Britain, United Kingdom

Daniel DiRito | September 4, 2007 | 11:22 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 3, 2007

Happy Labor Day America genre: Happy Remembrances & Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

I thought a few vintage posters and a little humor were appropriate this Labor Day. Here's hoping the day was less about labor and more about love for each of you....

Tagged as: Holiday, Labor Day, USA

Daniel DiRito | September 3, 2007 | 9:11 PM | link | Comments (0)
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