Tongue-In-Cheek: September 2008: Archives

September 23, 2008

The Onion: McCain's Economic Plan - Marry A Beer Heiress genre: Econ-Recon & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

In the following video, The Onion has a little fun with John McCain's marriage to a wealthy beer heiress...suggesting that the McCain economic plan involves encouraging taxpayers to find and marry an heiress of their own. McCain argued that doing so is a sure way to achieve economic security.

Unfortunately, the McCain team stopped short of assuring taxpayers that marrying an heiress would guarantee the ownership of seven homes, thirteen automobiles, and a personal jet. Though unspoken, there seems to be an inference from the McCain camp that those added benefits would only be available to former POW's.

There was no word on whether additional perks would be made available to those who dump their current spouse in favor of an heiress.

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Humor, John McCain, Satire, The Onion

Daniel DiRito | September 23, 2008 | 7:37 PM | link | Comments (0)
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John McCain: Confusing Times Call For A Confused Leader? genre: Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

John McCain promises to bring change to Washington. Unfortunately, the change he offers is little more than a change in his positions in the hopes of achieving political advantage. Beyond that, I suspect John McCain's idea of change is also subject to his petulant temperament.

In the following video, we get to see a candidate who is seemingly confused by his own willingness to flip flop positions at the drop of a hat. Truth be told, John McCain isn't old; his attempt to hoodwink the public with slogans lifted from his opponent is old...and tired.

Following the video, I've included a tongue-in-cheek graphic that summarizes the kind of "change" voters could expect from a McCain presidency.

McCainDepends.jpg

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Change, Depends, Flip Flop, Humor, John McCain

Daniel DiRito | September 23, 2008 | 12:04 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 22, 2008

The "Fundamentals" Of A McBush Presidency genre: Econ-Recon & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Every now and then, one encounters words of utter clarity. Such is the case with Paul Krugman's observations in the aftermath of John McCain's infamous statement, "The fundamentals of our economy are strong".

From The New York Times:

Aha. I'm gathering, from my reading here and there, that most people don't know that Herbert Hoover famously declared that the "fundamental business of the country" was sound. (Can it be "famously" if most people don't know it? Never mind.)

That partly explains why Republicans seem eerily compelled to echo Hoover; they don't know what it makes them sound like.

Of course, Hooverism without the word fundamental would still be, um, fundamentally the same.

The only thing I can add to Krugman's astute observation is the following tongue-in-cheek graphic, which takes this and this into consideration.

HooverAndMcCain.jpg

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Economics, George W. Bush, Herbert Hoover, John McCain

Daniel DiRito | September 22, 2008 | 6:55 PM | link | Comments (1)
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September 13, 2008

Jonah's Tall Tale: John McScissorhands genre: Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Sometimes the only respite from the partisan protestations and fabrications is humor...and today felt like one of those days, Yes, I realize humor can also be misconstrued through the prism of petty partisanship...which is why I intend to preface this posting with a clear and concise caveat.

The latest blog swarm that caught my attention...and nearly made my head explode...centers on the new Obama campaign ad intended to characterize John McCain as out of touch, and by inference, "out of date". In the ad, the campaign references several citations in which John McCain is quoted to have admitted he's computer illiterate. Included among the several referenced quotations, the Obama camp notes that McCain has also stated that he "can't send an email".

Enter Jonah Goldberg and the lockstep, left-hating blogosphere...intent on creating a controversy (think POW). Take a look at the angle he's spinning.

Yep. The day after 9/11, as part of its "get tough" makeover, the Obama campaign is mocking John McCain for not using a computer, without caring why he doesn't use a computer. From the AP story about the computer illiterate ad:

"Our economy wouldn't survive without the Internet, and cyber-security continues to represent one our most serious national security threats," [Obama spokesman Dan] Pfeiffer said. "It's extraordinary that someone who wants to be our president and our commander in chief doesn't know how to send an e-mail."

Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by "extraordinary." The reason he doesn't send email is that he can't use a keyboard because of the relentless beatings he received from the Viet Cong in service to our country. From the Boston Globe (March 4, 2000):

"McCain gets emotional at the mention of military families needing food stamps or veterans lacking health care. The outrage comes from inside: McCain's severe war injuries prevent him from combing his hair, typing on a keyboard, or tying his shoes. Friends marvel at McCain's encyclopedic knowledge of sports. He's an avid fan - Ted Williams is his hero - but he can't raise his arm above his shoulder to throw a baseball."

Update: Well, now the story is up on Drudge (You heard it here first!). Re: Mark's point about how the supposedly web-savvy Obama campaign can't handle Google, here's another story confirming he has difficulty using a keyboard. Ironically, it's from one of the most pro-Obama journalists out there, Jacob Weisberg, in an article in Slate in 2000:

"Six months ago, no one would have pegged McCain as the most cybersavvy of this year's crop of candidates. At 63, he is the oldest of the bunch and because of his war injuries, he is limited in his ability to wield a keyboard."

Update II: On the other hand: I don't know what to make of this interview with the New York Times. He sounds awfully web savvy in it, which makes the Obama ad sound unfair. And if you read it closely, it sounds like he knows how to surf with a mouse, but doesn't do much by way of typing.

So let's begin with the caveat. I have great sympathy for the injuries suffered by John McCain during his time as a POW. I also think it would be unfair to make fun of those injuries or to use them for political gain. Having said this, there's no doubt in my mind (nor in Jonah's or his buddies if they had the honesty to admit it) that the Obama campaign is pointing to the fact that McCain is out of touch and seemingly disinterested in understanding the world as it now exists.

I know this because the Obama campaign immediately seized upon John McCain's remarks on September 11th...remarks in which he suggested he was "divorced from the day-to-day challenges people have".

Needless to say, Goldberg and his compatriots will stop at nothing to spin the rhetoric they believe advances their candidates chances of victory in November (think POW...again).

OK, now onto the fun...with one additional caveat. The below graphic is aimed at Jonah Goldberg's inane efforts to portray John McCain as incapable of using his hands. Further, nothing in the movie Edward Scissorhands suggested that his odd anatomy was a handicapping condition. My reference to scissorhands is utilized as the means to highlight the absurdity of Goldberg's assertion.

Should there be any doubt as to John McCain's capacity to use his hands, please take a look at this and this and this and this and this. As the Obama man says, that's "enough".

So I decided to have a little fun with a spoof of Jon Lovitz' Saturday Night Live character, Tommy Flanagan, The Pathological Liar. In the following segment, the reader will find that John McScissorhands (Guess who this is?) has just been announced by Jonah Goldberg...from McScissorshand Land...a faraway place (to the right, anyone?)...where cutting and pasting with reckless abandon is a religious experience. Each day, little godbots...dressed the same...canvas "the google", tirelessly looking for glorious gotchas.

Announcer:

And now, a message from the esteemed John McScissorhands from Johan Goldberg's McScissorhands Land.

John McScissorhands:

Hello, my name is John McScissorhands, and I'm a former member of The Straight Talk Express. In fact...I was the president of the organization! Right after I was the conductor...and the engineer...loaded the coal myself...to tell the truth...er...Yeah, I used to tell the truth.

Yea, when I was younger, I told the truth. But then one day, I got caught stealing money out of my wife's bank account. I lied. I told her it was for Sarah...my new secretary, er...assistant...my vice president, yeah...from Russia. She was a spy...traveled back and forth between Alaska and Russia...on a snow machine...er, I mean a dog sled, right before she won the Iditarod...with two broken legs...after being interrogated by the Russians...Yeah, that's how it happened...that's what happened...that's the ticket.

After that, lying was easy for me. I lied about everything...then I joined forces with Karl Rove...peach of a man...I taught him everything he knows...yeah...that's the way it was. I was twenty at the time. Yeah...I went to Vietnam on a secret mission...and I was injured catching a dirty bomb shell in my teeth...before I was captured and held as a POW on a cat...er...maran, er..I mean by al Qaeda and the Taliban...did I say POW, Yeah I was a POW...I don't like to talk about it...the part about being a POW, I mean...you know, a POW in the Hanoi Ritz Carlton...just east of Tora Bora...bad place, really bad place for a POW to be...tough place for a POW.

And when I got home, they made me a three-star general! And then I got a job in politics, fighting against government corruption as a member of the Keating Five...an undercover truth squad...er...a secret branch of the CIA...so secret it's never been revealed...a really big secret...nearly took a fall for that one...you know...working for a cause bigger than myself...big cause, really big.

Yeah...I was on the take for twenty thousand a ye...month! In fact, I won the Nobel Prize that year! Al Gore hadn't even been born yet. Yeah, that's the ticket. I beat out Nelson Mandela and Mandy Patinkin...yeah, that's the ticket...I won a billion dollars...yeah, that's it...and I gave it all away to a cause, er a charity bigger than me...way bigger...Yeah.


And then my cousin died - Martin Luther King - and I took it hard. Spent years marching in the streets...it was all a nightmare...er, a dream...I had a dream, Yeahh, a really big dream. Got lost on a mountaintop...in the red hills of Georgia...Georgia...right next to Russia, yeah, that's the ticket. Freedom fighter...became a freedom fighter...free at last, free at last, God I'm mighty, thank God I'm mighty...free at last...all of em...yeah, that's what happened.

It was hard...maybe too hard - I tried to kill myself...with my wifes drugs. Yeahh.. I did kill myself...right after saving thousands of children from starvation...Sunni's and Shia's...saved 'em all...didn't care which was which...Sure! But I was medically dead...for a week and a half! It was a woman that brought me out of it - Mother Mary, er Magdalan...er Mother Theresa...yea...Theresa! Married the woman after my wife died...fine woman, that Theresa, but she was a lost soul...wasn't sure of her faith...wanted to call it quits...but I got her back on track...yeah, right back on track...the Straight Talk Express actually...named it after Theresa...yeah...that woman was a saint, yeah I was married to a saint...Yeah, that's right....that's how it happened.

And she told me about McScissorhands Land. Oh, you'd be surprised how many famous people belong. In fact...at one of the meetings I met my new wife - Cindy Ann...heiser...Busch...she was from Bavaria...her dad was Adolph...os Coors...icus Artrois...her sister was named Stella, yeah...Stella Artrois - fine woman...funny sense of humor...good stuff...but classy.

Cindy's uncle was the president and so was her cousin...Yeah, I'm a changed man now, and all because of McScissorhands Land. Why, I - I even have my picture on the cover of Bi...o...olo...cal...mon...Biblical...er...Ideology Monthly. Biblical Ideology Monthly, yeah, that's the magazine. Yeah. Every day! On the daily cover...founded the magazine myself...to honor Theresa...the saint...that I married. Yeah...that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!

Oh...yeah, I wanna be your next president, yeah...that's the ticket.

The End.

JohnMcScissorhands.jpg

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Edward Scissorhands, Humor, John McCain, Jonah Goldberg, Partisan, Politics, Spoof

Daniel DiRito | September 13, 2008 | 3:34 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 9, 2008

The Truth & Nothing But The Truth About Sarah Palin genre: Hip-Gnosis & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

TheTruthIsOutThere.jpg

Well I've had it with all of the Sarah Palin hyperbole. We're a better nation than this and we need to stop with the ad hominem attacks on the Alaska governor.

To that end, I've taken the time to compile some relevant facts that will set the record straight on the governor's positions as well as the motivations for her selection by John McCain.

In the interest of efficiency, I've condensed the issues into a list of ten factoids.

Number Ten:

All of this talk about the bridge to no where is so unfair. Everyone knows that Sarah Palin was first for the bridge to no where, then she was against the bridge to no where, then she took whatever money the federal government would allot for the bridge...and spent it on something else. Let's lay off Governor Palin...she's assured us that if Alaska needs that bridge, Alaska will build it...and I believe her.

Number Nine:

Sarah Palin is a reformer...she'll work tirelessly to bring Alaska's version of corruption and cronyism to Washington. Besides, the White House library needs some updating.

Number Eight:

It's unfair to say that Sarah Palin speaks out of both sides of her mouth. Nothing could be further from the truth... everyone knows she's talking to God when she speaks in tongues.

Number Seven:

It's a good thing Sarah Palin is opposed to earmarks and wasteful, pork-barrel spending...it's going to be needed to help offset Cindy McCain's monthly credit card expenditures of over $250,000.00.

Number Six:

Sarah Palin won't be anything like Dick Cheney. Everyone knows that Dick Cheney is a curmudgeon who spends his time holed up in an undisclosed location. Quite the contrary, Sarah Palin is a pit bull who spends her time holed up at home...collecting per diem from the state of Alaska.

Number Five:

Sarah Palin is a visionary politician. She knows that Alaska is a pivotal state in U.S. foreign policy...and no, it's not because her state is next to Russia. It's because Alaska is a religiously defined refuge state and she's been preparing her state to accept the refugees that God told her to expect from the lower forty eight states when the rapture begins.

Number Four:

Sarah Palin is the dream candidate for millions of women. She's a neo-feminist...the kind that thinks a raped woman should pay for her own forensics kit...right before she's forced to carry that baby to term. Now that's a woman every woman should support.

Number Three:

You have to love the idea of John McCain putting a fellow maverick on his ticket. Just look at the facts...John McCain hired a governor who knew her state didn't need the expense of a state-owned jet...and he married another woman who told the press that she and her husband need a jet to get around Arizona. Everyone knows travel in Arizona is far more complicated than in the largest state in the union.

Number Two:

It's unfair to criticize the GOP's platform position on a woman's right to choose...they've actually proven they will defend a woman's right to choose...the time and place when she'll answer any of the media's questions.

Number One:

We need to stop making light of Sarah Palin's pit bull metaphor. Everyone knows that the difference between a two star national guard general and a three star national guard general in Alaska is the lipstick on the pit bull's ass.

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Abortion, Alaska, Cindy McCain, Dick Cheney, Feminism, Foreign Policy, John McCain, National Guard, Pentecostal, Religion, Sarah Palin, Snark, Top Ten, Women's Rights

Daniel DiRito | September 9, 2008 | 12:35 PM | link | Comments (1)
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September 6, 2008

The Daily Show: The Republican National Convention genre: Hip-Gnosis & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

They say it's the truth behind the humor that makes it so funny. In the following videos, The Daily Show proves this premise beyond a shadow of a doubt.

This past week, Jon Stewart and his cohorts traveled to Minneapolis-St. Paul to cover the Republican National Convention. As it turns out, it's what they uncovered that will make you howl with laughter. Then again, given the gravity of the upcoming election, it could also make you cry. Go figure!

The John McCain Bio

Small Town Values

Sarah Palin

Tagged as: 2008 Election, John McCain, Jon Stewart, Karl Rove, Republican National Convention, RNC, Sarah Palin, Teen Pregnancy, The Daily Show

Daniel DiRito | September 6, 2008 | 5:55 PM | link | Comments (0)
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Real Time With Bill Maher: 09/05/08 genre: Hip-Gnosis & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Bill Maher is my hero! Last nights show simply reminded me of that fact. While one could argue that his acerbic tongue alienates the religious right and those voters who might be persuadable, I've come to the conclusion that it may be the only way to fight a war with ideological fanatics.

Honestly, in the course of an hour, Maher's program did more to refute the nonsense spewed by the GOP and their Christian allies than you'll find in a weeks worth of cable news programming. Maher's take no prisoners style may not be appropriate for a news format, but we desperately need more of his clarity and candor.

Truth be told, we live in a nation that is being fed a choreographed script that has little connection to reality. We've just ended a week of watching the GOP and John McCain do what they do best...tell lies...over and over again. Unfortunately, they succeed in this endeavor because they are, for the most part, telling their tall tales to a willing audience...an audience that is capable of ignoring science in favor of its cherished Biblical babble.

Never have I seen such a willingness to pander and such a hunger to accept it. All the GOP needs to do is toss out the necessary code words and the flock is willing to march in lockstep...assured that their beliefs will not be challenged and facts will not be allowed to interfere with the precepts of their fantastical faith.

OK, let's start by looking at the opening segment of last evenings program...a faux commercial premised upon the Palin family's "pentecostal" predisposition...for celebrating pregnancy. You see, if you're a Christian, you can do no wrong...even when contradicting the judgments you heap upon everyone else. The simple fact that you believe in Christ...and are willing to tell everyone you do...makes everything you do part and parcel of God's will. So as we've seen with the pregnancy of Bristol Palin, if you're fornicating for Jesus, you go girl...let the spirit (and the sperm) be with you!

Look, in my mind, if the Palin's and others can celebrate their small town small mindedness as a badge of honor, the rest of us who live in this country have every right to ridicule their right wing rednecks. If Levi Johnston can state the following on his MySpace page, we can surely call him a holier-than-thou hick.

"I'm a f - - -in' redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes."

"But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess."

"Ya f - - - with me I'll kick ass."

Is that supposed to be charming? Is that representative of the family values we embrace? You see, the GOP flew him to their convention and paraded him on the tarmac...with John McCain virtually giving him a hand job...and then the network cameras cut away to him and his knocked-up honey (celebrities anyone?) while mommy spouted her nonsense.

OK, aren't these the same people who had a fit when we got a split second view of Janet Jackson's breast? Mind you Jackson wasn't knocked-up...and Justin Timberlake hadn't knocked her up...and the two of them were simply performing a song on a stage. The reaction of the GOP? Outrage...sinful...disgusting...immoral...unfit for our children to see...fine the shit out of the network! In other words, performance art is far worse than parading a teenage boy and and his knocked up girlfriend for 40 million Americans to glorify...teens who have MySpace pages containing the crap noted above...teens who haven't the good sense to use contraception...all because we're concerned about the upholding of family values?!

Well excuse me, but why is Hollywood the big bad villain...the home of secular elites...the epicenter of all that is wrong with America...and Wasilla, Alaska is home to the newly found titular head of the Republican Party...and the newly impregnated family values virgin mother? Tell me, what's wrong with this picture? Quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of being told that my values are inferior and that I'm a member of the educated elite. Since when did stupidity wrapped in Christianity become a virtue?

I'm capable of distinguishing the entertainment value of Janet Jackson's breast from the idiocy of having sex without a condom...and I don't need no stinkin' Bible or abstinence only program to figure it out. Her breast isn't going to make me hire a male prostitute or tap my foot in an airport bathroom stall to solicit sex...just as the Bible isn't going to keep Levi Johnston's sperm from impregnating polly purebred.

I'm reminded of Howard Beale's famous soliloquy in the movie Network in which he stated the following:

We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell,

'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'

I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it:

"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Perhaps that's why I so admire Bill Maher...he is as mad as hell...and he doesn't want to take it anymore...and he is at the window yelling...imploring us to refuse to take this crap anymore.

Take a look at the comments of Dan Savage during last evenings show. Note the clarity he displays in cutting through the utter hypocrisy being demonstrated by the roll-out of their right wing Republican with a vagina...the new life support system for the dicks who run the GOP and use these seemingly cuckolded Christians to win elections and run this country into the ground...while lining their licentious pockets.

Gotta hand it to the GOP's good old boys...they're on the verge of successfully repackaging tokenism as feminism...while f-----g over the vast majority of Americans...men or women...along the way. It's one hell of a hat trick. If they succeed, when the buzzer sounds, the loser will finally realizes he or she's been "scored upon"...but only when it's too late and the rabbit's already dead. As Maher so aptly puts it, welcome to plutocracy!

Dan Savage On The GOP & Women

Dan Savage On The GOP Hypocrisy

Honestly, the words coming out of Savage's mouth are an adherence to truth...a moral manifesto far superior to the scripted pabulum that is coming out of Sarah Palin's mouth. Seriously, it's impossible to respect the GOP and the governor when they are so willing to corrupt and misconstrue Christian values for votes. It's even more difficult to respect those voters who allow themselves to be used in this fashion. The truth of the matter is that out of their own lack of self-examination and their delusional and dogged adherence to denial, the voters who enable the GOP are actually embracing a doctrine that is fully situational and summarily subjective.

When Savage mentions the role of women, and James Dobson's belief that women should remain at home with their children, he's referencing Focus on the Family's involvement with, and support of, Promise Keepers...the group that rose to national notoriety under the guidance of former Colorado University football coach, Bill McCartney.

Generally speaking, the objective of Promise Keepers was to empower men to take back their roles as the leader of their families...and to simultaneously instruct the women in their lives that their role should be subservient to that of their husbands...all out of an adherence to God's instruction, of course.

While McCartney was busy empowering men, his daughter, like Sarah Palin's daughter, was also busy getting pregnant while unmarried. Let me be clear...getting pregnant is not the issue and I pass no judgment upon these young women. In fact, I have great sympathy for them and the lack of logical instruction they are receiving from their parents.

You see, if one thing is true of children, it's their ability to see inconsistency and hypocrisy. Unfortunately, their typical reaction to it often includes the acting out of self-destructive behaviors. In many ways, they do this to demonstrate the dissonance that exists in their lives...a primitive attempt to tell mom and dad that they are full of shit.

In other words, they lack the authority to sit mom and dad down, so they subconsciously seek to force mom and dad into reflecting upon their inane ideological irrationalities. Sadly, these efforts rarely succeed. In fact, it often forces the child into further embracing the doctrine of their parents as they rarely have the means to support themselves. Hence we witness a process of perpetuation that involves breaking the spirit of one's children such that the cycle of indoctrination is self-sustaining. As the old saying goes, "The sins of the father will be visited upon the son."

The bottom line...what these people are selling just doesn't work...and it's time to say so...loud and clear...over and over...and to elect leaders that will not coddle them.

OK, so let's close with a look at this weeks New Rules.

As always, Maher cuts through the John McCain mumbo jumbo of, "My friends... ignore the ground noise and the static" to present us with unfiltered reality. Maher quickly slices through the BS...pointing out the many misrepresentations that accompany the GOP's rhetoric. Maher closes with a clear indictment of the oft heard meme that Barack Obama is an elitist.

Maher aptly highlights the real issue...that the GOP has figured out the means to play upon the insecurities found in all too many voters. Rather than vote issues, too many American voters are stuck in a never ending battle with their own nefarious narcissism.

America needs change...but I fear it wont begin until the Democrats take the GOP, kicking and screaming, out to the wood shed for an old fashioned whooping. I'm looking forward to watching it unfold on November 4th. In the meantime, I'll be standing at my window...yelling at the top of my lungs, "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Bill Maher, Bristol Palin, Christian, Comedy, Dan Savage, Democrat, GOP, Humor, Janet Jackson, Levi Johnston, Network, Parenting, Religion, Sarah Palin

Daniel DiRito | September 6, 2008 | 9:50 AM | link | Comments (1)
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September 4, 2008

Top Ten Reasons John McCain Chose Sarah Palin genre: Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

PitbullPalin.jpg

As I've considered John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin, and her acceptance speech last evening, I just couldn't convince myself to take either all that seriously.

Yes, it was a well-designed and delivered speech and it received glowing reviews from those in attendance, including the media.

However, the wisdom of the Palin selection is still open to debate...and the content of her speech will still have to be reconciled with the facts.

While that process unfolds, I decided to offer the following tongue-in-cheek list of the top ten reasons John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Number Ten:

If you're campaign is at a dead end, why not hire the candidate who wanted to build a bridge to nowhere.

Number Nine:

He needed to add the idea of change to his message of experience...and Sarah Palin brings both. In fact, she has an abundance of experience...changing diapers.

Number Eight:

The only way to combat "high-flown speechmaking" is with "low-road sarcasm".

Number Seven:

John McCain is a man of vision who thinks ahead. If he's elected president, he'll need seven house sitters...and the Palin family perfectly fits that parameter.

Number Six:

The best way to keep the attention off of Cindy McCain's $300,000.00 outfit was to employ a mudslinging pit bull hockey mom.

Number Five:

Cindy McCain became an instant Palin cheerleader when she heard that Wasilla was the meth capital of Alaska.

Number Four:

It's all about the art of innuendo. Palin had John McCain eating out of her hand the minute "Lay more pipeline" came out of her mouth. After all, John McCain has always been fond of drilling...women.

Number Three:

If you can't deliver the beef, go for the girl who can carve the caribou.

Number Two:

His pit bull won't wear lipstick.

Number One:

You have to admire a woman with an unwed pregnant teenage daughter who continues to push for more drilling in regions that are off-limits.

Bonus Reason:

When John McCain compared the fact that Barack Obama "authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform" with the reports that Sarah Palin authored countless emails that may have broke the law, he knew she was the right choice for a third Bush administration.

Tagged as: 2008 Election, Barack Obama, Bristol Palin, Cindy McCain, Humor, John McCain, Sarah Palin

Daniel DiRito | September 4, 2008 | 12:40 PM | link | Comments (1)
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