Tucker Carlson: His Neurotic Fear Of Neutering genre: Gaylingual & Hip-Gnosis & Tongue-In-Cheek

We live in a messed up world. We have an anti-gay Senator from Idaho sending signals and playing footsie with an undercover male police officer in a Minneapolis airport restroom which is reportedly known for secret sexual encounters.

Not to be outdone, we have Tucker Carlson telling the tale of being "bothered" by another man in a restroom while in high school...an incident which he contends forced him to race out of the bathroom and seek out a friend to return with him to "accost" the gay man.

The video follows.

But wait, it doesn't stop there. Tucker has a seeming obsession with protecting his manhood. On several occasions during his MSNBC program, Tucker has indicated that simply seeing or hearing certain people will lead him to "involuntarily cross his legs"...an inference that there are individuals who would willingly emasculate him. The funny thing, most of these people are women...such as Hillary Clinton and Nancy Grace.

On a new gadget called a Hillary Nutcracker:

CARLSON: I don't know, but that is so perfect. I have often said, when she comes on television, I involuntarily cross my legs.

During a discussion about Hillary Clinton:

CARLSON: Boy, she scares me. I cross my legs every time she talks, every time. Pat Buchanan, Melinda Henneberger, thank you very much. No, it's true. It's involuntary. I don't mean it, but I do every single time.

CARLSON: Oh, every time, involuntarily. It's like those pictures you see of the soccer goalie when they're about to get the free kick. That's me when she talks. I can't help it.

On Nancy Grace:

CARLSON: I don't want to be on a long car trip with her. She scares me. I cross my legs involuntarily every time she comes on the air.

Nope, not finished yet. On August 10th, while interviewing Brad Luna of the Human Rights Campaign regarding the Logo/HRC Democratic Candidate Forum, the discussion shifted to John Edwards and his answer to a question about how he would react to having a transgender employee. Carlson quickly focused upon...yep, you got it...his "boys" and the terror he associates with the thought of their removal.

Given Tucker's preoccupation, it seemed appropriate to offer my own list of situations and circumstances that lead Mr. Carlson to inadvertently cross his legs.

Number Ten

Using one egg to crack open another.

Number Nine

Seeing a squirrel scurrying up a tree with a mouth full of acorns.

Number Eight

Watching his children play with their wacky clackers.

Number Seven

Peeling and removing the seed from an overripe avocado.

Number Six

Watching the neighborhood kids playing with their hackey sacks.

Number Five

Watching an automatic cherry pitter race through enough cherries to make a pie.

Number Four

Receiving a pair of deep fried hush puppies with his seafood combo at Captain D's.

Number Three

The mere thought of a steely busting up a cluster of marbles inside the circle.

Number Two

The entire process of making sausage...from the meat grinding to the stuffing of the casings.

Number One

Watching his wife make a cup of tea by dipping a tea bag into a hot cup of water.

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