Thought Theater

This is priceless. The following video is apparently a legitimate advertisement for men seeking to overcome their homosexuality. The fact that it is filled with homoeroticism only reinforces my belief that many of these men are tortured Christians with a limitless ability to disguise their sexual orientation by engaging in acts of denial that are intended to demonstrate their heterosexuality...as well as their devotion to the religious dogma they seem hopelessly driven to embrace.

Honestly, when I first saw the video clip, I thought the program had to be a joke. However, after tracking down the site where it is advertised, it appears to be a "legitimate" attempt to offer services intended to "repair" homosexuality. Of course I know nothing about the credentials of the gentleman offering the program. For all I know, he could simply be an opportunist attempting to play upon the insecurities of men who feel compelled to reject their homosexuality. Even if he is sincere in offering this program, it doesn't negate the absurdity in suggesting that homosexuality can be washed away.

Yes, I believe there are individuals that will go through the motions needed to assert that they have abandoned their homosexuality...but I have to say that I simply don't believe they have actually changed their sexual orientation. Keep in mind that Ted Haggard (the minister from Colorado Springs who hired a male prostitute on numerous occasions) proclaimed his heterosexuality after completing a program that lasted just a few weeks.

Call me a skeptic, but are we to believe that a reversal of sexuality is the equivalent of joining Jenny Craig for two months? I'm sorry, but believing that would be an unrivaled act of faith. On the contrary, I see it as evidence of the sham that is being sold as "reparative therapy".

On that note, there isn't much more that can be said about these ridiculous programs. Instead, it is far more productive to exploit the humor that is so abundantly attached to this particular program and the video by which it is being marketed.

With that said, the following is a list of everything you need to know about the WorkOUT program:

Number Ten:

WorkOUT will help you find your manhood...though this process will require you to frequently drop your pants.

Number Nine:

While it may take several rounds of being in and out (of the program), men who participate in WorkOUT have proven they have the ability and the stamina to go much deeper.

Number Eight:

Every life coach is under 25, sufficiently buff, on standby for urgent emergencies, and very reasonably priced. "Happy endings" are always guaranteed.

Number Seven:

If your manhood doesn't increase during the first phone conversation, you'll have access to videophone encounters designed to jump start the process. Face-to-face meetings are available though the fees for these "meetings" are dependent upon the length of time it takes to maximize your manhood.

Number Six:

911 calls cost $1.99 per minute and the charges will appear on your credit card statement under the name - Meet Christian Singles.

Number Five:

Absolutely no women are involved in administering the WorkOUT program...every man is assured that treatment will be provided by a man who previously entered the treatment regimen and remained engaged until completion.

Number Four:

WorkOUT gear is available on the website. Access to this page requires confirmation that you are over the age of 18. All models have been verified to be at least 18 years old (though definitely not much older).

Number Three:

David Pickup is the founder of WorkOUT. This is his real name and it does not imply that David attends gay bars or frequents online gay chat rooms in order to solicit men for sex. Should you encounter Mr. Pickup in either setting, he is simply seeking men (attractive, fit, and well-groomed) who would be interested in joining WorkOUT and discovering the "benefits" of Christian manhood.

Number Two:

A full understanding of homosexual sex is a prerequisite for admission into the WorkOUT program. Men simply curious about gay sex will not be accepted.

Number One:

Participants in WorkOUT are discouraged from dating women during the time they are enrolled in the program as it may serve to deflate their emerging manhood.