Thought Theater

Bush To Announce Troop Cuts...And Much More? genre: Tongue-In-Cheek

In a statement of the inevitable and the obvious, the President intends to address the American public to "announce" his intention to withdraw approximately 30,000 troops by next summer. Unfortunately, this move is hardly a policy shift as the troop reduction is necessitated by the established tour of duty time frames.

Further, in the absence of a plan to offset the impact of the troop reduction, one must wonder how long it will be before Iraq is once again in the midst of unmitigated civil war.

From CNN:

Gen. David Petraeus, the top U.S. commander in the country, told Congress this week he could see troop numbers sliding by 30,000 -- which would reduce the number of troops to pre-surge levels -- by July 2008.

Administration officials did not specifically say the president would use the 30,000 figure -- but one said he would "make clear there are challenges ahead in Iraq, but also enough progress" to reduce troop levels.

From The Associated Press:

In the speech, the president will say he understands Americans' deep concerns about U.S. involvement in Iraq and their desire to bring the troops home, they said. Bush will say that, after hearing from Petraeus and Crocker, he has decided on a way forward that will reduce the U.S. military presence but not abandon Iraq to chaos, according to the officials.

In his speech, Bush will adopt Petraeus' call for more time to determine the pace and scale of future withdrawals and offer to report to Congress in March, one official said.

As Petraeus and Crocker have, Bush will acknowledge difficulties, and the fact that few of the benchmarks set by Congress to measure progress of the buildup have been met, the official said. Yet, he will stress that a precipitous U.S. withdrawal would be a catastrophe for Iraq and U.S. interests.

In an unusual admission, Petraeus said he was not sure whether his proposal on Iraq would make America safer.

I'm rather baffled. Prior to the surge, the President indicated we needed more time to achieve important benchmarks. However, all indications are that few of the benchmarks needed to sustain the security success afforded by the surge have been achieved. As such, the American public is being asked to endorse the next six month extension...one of many such requests; each of which has failed to meet the established goals.

Toss in the fact that our top general hasn't pondered whether our efforts in Iraq have made America safer and one has to wonder if anyone has a full grasp of our strategy...you know...the one that began in the aftermath of 9/11...the one that is supposed to combat terrorism and protect the homeland.

Frankly, one would be hard pressed to track the many revisionist rationales which have been brought forth in the wake of numerous miscalculations and persistent mismanagement.

In keeping with the absurd quality of this latest dose of rose colored rhetoric, I offer my own list of far fetched announcements voters would be justified to expect from the President in his national address.

Number One:

The President is also expected to announce that April will follow March in 2008...all but assuring that the President will complete his term without ever encountering the need to rearrange the months of the year.

Number Two:

George Bush will announce that the Axis of Evil will become the "Triangle of Terror" because he no longer believes "Aks us of evil?" should be phrased as a question.

Number Three:

The President will announce a snag in talks with North Korea on their "nucular" ambitions. While they are expected to cooperate in dismantling their nuclear facilities, they have remained silent on their clandestine "nucular" program.

Number Four:

In perhaps the most stunning development, the President is expected to announce his strong support for Austrian Prime Minister John Howard in the upcoming Australian elections.

Number Five:

George Bush will announce that those children left behind have had long enough to catch up...they either pick up the pace or suffer the consequences...we simply can't wait any longer.

Number Six:

The President is expected to announce that he will join a think tank upon his exit from the White House. An unidentified source tells us that the think tank will be called WHAT NOW (With Hardly A Thought Needed Or Warranted).

Number Seven:

George Bush will announce his cameo appearance in the upcoming movie sequel, "Mission Impossible IV", a move that signals he has finally decided to abandon plans to finish his ambitious epic tragedy "Mission Accomplished".

Number Eight:

In his prime time appearance, the President will announce a moratorium on the "Ownership Society" until such time as the sub-prime/mortgage lending crisis has abated. The announcement is expected to include a conciliatory "Awww, your house got foreclosed...too bad...try again next time."

Number Nine:

The President intends to ask Congress to introduce legislation enacting an amendment to the ADA which will require the widening of all restroom stalls to a minimum of six feet...a move intended to better accommodate those Americans who are afflicted with the disability of, and suffer the discrimination from, a chronic wide stance. Homosexuals will not be granted protected status under the amendment.

Number Ten:

Lastly, the President is expected to announce that General Petraeus is prepared to give the correct answer to the question, "Has the war in Iraq made us safer?". Petraeus also understands that he will affirm that his revised answer was prepared without the oversight of, or influence from, the White House.