Tongue-In-Cheek: May 2008: Archives

May 31, 2008

Rep. Sam Graves: Bringing San Francisco Chic To Missouri? genre: Gaylingual & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

It looks like San Francisco has become the new France (freedom fries anyone?)...at least for some members of the GOP. Representative Sam Graves (R-MO) has taken to featuring those awful "San Francisco values" to attack his Democratic opponent, Kay Barnes.

He's apparently doing this because he wants Missourians to believe that Barnes' singular goal is to take solid midwestern values and transform them into a San Francisco style Sodom & Gomorrah. Unfortunately, the music and images are a miserable melange comparable to what one might expect to find on a late night TV commercial promoting a singles hook-up phone line.

I could be wrong, but it looks to me like Rep. Graves has spent too many restless nights on the couch in front of his television. A more sinister interpretation of the image might suggest that Graves wants his constituents to ponder the slippery slope mentality one would expect to hear from Rick Santorum...you know, the one that thinks gay marriage is just the tip of the iceberg in the progression towards allowing 'man with his favorite pet marriages'.

All that's missing from this multi-racial, pansexual, menage a trois Solid Gold meets Queer as Folk dance club image to complete this ludicrous mindset is a dirty dancing German Shepherd and a pair of "in sync" silver-haired sister spinsters.

Rep. Graves (R-MO) First San Francisco Values TV Ad

Rep. Graves (R-MO) Second San Francisco Values TV Ad

Tagged as: 2008 election, Humor, Kay Barnes, Missouri, Rep. Sam Graves, Rick Santorum, Same-Sex Marriage, San Francisco

Daniel DiRito | May 31, 2008 | 8:42 AM | link | Comments (1)
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May 30, 2008

The Daily Show: Supporting The Troops Is Just A GOP Slogan genre: Just Jihad & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Ever since 9/11, the GOP has made a habit of flaunting their support for our troops...while also accusing their adversaries of not doing so. Each time a Democrat criticized the Bush administration's handling of the war in Iraq, questioned the merits of continuing the war, or voiced concerns with the huge costs to fund the war, their patriotism was questioned.

Times have apparently changed. The moment Democratic Senator Jim Webb submitted legislation to insure that support for the troops would include a much needed expansion of the educational benefits provided under the existing GI Bill, George Bush and John McCain are suddenly leading the opposition.

You see, the bottom line is political expediency. When supporting the troops can be exploited for partisan advantage, the GOP couldn't talk long enough and loud enough about their commitment to our troops. Now that support for our troops has been transformed into a tangible benefit, the president and his clone are both leading the charge to defeat the measure.

Truth be told, these current actions only reinforce the assertions of Scott McClellan, the president's former Press Secretary. McClellan, in his newly released book, tells us that this president frequently placed his focus on the partisan benefits of his actions. The fact that the troops were a pawn in his political arsenal seems to be clear at this juncture.

It's also increasingly evident that John McCain, the former straight-talking maverick, has opted to follow in the footsteps of his predecessor. Our troops and the American public cannot afford four more years of supporting the political ambitions of men like George Bush...and his well-trained lap dog...John McCain.

Tagged as: Barack Obama, George Bush, GI Bill, Jim Webb, John McCain, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Daniel DiRito | May 30, 2008 | 11:24 AM | link | Comments (0)
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May 29, 2008

God Tube Gem: Get Thee Out Of The Club genre: Hip-Gnosis & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Oh the joys of GodTube! It really is a gold mine of God fearing goodies.

In the following video (over eight minutes long), you will hear all of the Biblical recitations that forbid us from participating in "clubbing". Yes, if you go to a club with your friends, you're almost certain to drink too much booze...and we all know that a liquored up lad or lass is the devil's playground.

On the contrary, if one follows the word of God and goes to church on Saturday night, all thoughts of debauchery will disappear from your mind. Of course there is an important caveat...you never know what might be on the mind of your minister...he may well have his sites set on tapping your mother or your sister...or God forbid...your father or brother. Worst case, he may even have you in mind...because he undoubtedly knows how effective it is to write ridiculous rules that lead young people to feel sinful, repressed, conflicted...and in need of "counseling and comforting". I hear that's their specialty...if you catch my drift.

Yes, the more I think about it, one can never be sure who is a disciple of the devil. Why I'm so concerned with the cunning nature of satan and sin that I just won't be able to force myself to attend Saturday night mass. It's just not safe enough for me. I know, I know...the Pope has forbidden gay men from the priesthood...but what's to say the devil can't turn a manly minister into a maniacal molester in a matter of moments?

After all, look what the devil was able to do to Pastor Ted Haggard and so many other god fearing Christians. If only someone would make a video on how to identify the devil at work in locations other than clubs. I'll just have to hope that this video is only the first of many more. Then again, what if the devil is the motivation behind this video?

Oh it's all too complicated...where is the Rapture when you need it? Come to think of it, I saw a few videos on God Tube that might be able to give me an exact ETA. I guess I'll put on some music, grab a beer, and head back over to "Club Christ". Care to join me? Call your friends and head on over. I hear the Jesus rave is still on for tonight.

Tagged as: Bible, Christian, Dancing, Drinking, God Tube, Humor, Morality, Rapture, Religion, Ted Haggard

Daniel DiRito | May 29, 2008 | 2:33 PM | link | Comments (2)
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May 28, 2008

John Safran: Puttin' The Missionary To The Mormon genre: Hip-Gnosis & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

In the following video, John Safran, an Australian television personality known for edgy stunts and television segments on sensitive subjects, decides to head to Salt Lake City and have some fun giving members of the Latter Day Saints a taste of their own missionary medicine.

Once Safran and his director arrive in Utah, they gather up their atheist literature and propaganda, don white shirts and dark ties, put on name tags, jump on their bicycles, and set out on an early morning mission to the homes of unsuspecting Mormons.

Unfortunately, Safran and his pal encounter some rather indignant and intolerant folks while attempting to share their beliefs on atheism and evolution. It seems that many of these Mormons believe it is better to be on the giving end of a missionary message than it is to be in the unenviable position of receiving one.

I guess their training is only about puttin' it to the non-believer. Perhaps that's why the Mormons who knock on our doors have no compunction to keep sticking their pamphlets in our faces and looking for any possible opening to inject their ideology.

Needless to say, I couldn't help but enjoy watching my Mormon friends doing their best to avoid getting "stuck". Let's hope some of them now understand why Safran and many others like him aren't interested in "taking it" anymore.

Tagged as: Humor, John Safran, LDS, Missionaries, Mormonism, Mormons, Proselytizing, Religion

Daniel DiRito | May 28, 2008 | 9:48 PM | link | Comments (0)
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May 13, 2008

Jonny McGovern - Don't Fall In Love With A Homo genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Tuned Out & Video-Philes

Jonny McGovern is one of the cast members of Logo's The Big Gay Sketch. The show features a number of comedy skits that focus on all things LGBT. McGovern is a stand-up comic who often plays a character called The Gay Pimp.

In the following video, The Gay Pimp shares his latest creation, a music video for the song, Don't Fall In Love With A Homo...an ode to straight women who might be tempted to fall for their male gay friends. McGovern and friends want straight women to know that doing so is a recipe for disappointment. They also want them to know that there are plenty of lesbians who would be happy to oblige their need for amorous adventure. Needless to say, all of this is an ideal subject for a tongue-in-cheek video.

I think it's pretty funny but I'll offer a word of caution that it contains adult language that some may find offensive.

Tagged as: Comedy, Homo, Humor, Jonny McGovern, Music, The Big Gay Sketch, The Gay Pimp

Daniel DiRito | May 13, 2008 | 8:24 AM | link | Comments (1)
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May 12, 2008

The Onion: It's All About The Gap...Between The Have's & The Have Nots genre: Econ-Recon & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

In this episode of The Onion News, the network takes a look at the Gap's new clothing line...the one that is made by kids for kids. Nothing like American children being able to wear the right tags...even if those tags are sewn on by children in sweat shops.

After all, isn't that why we Americans are the envy of the world...what with giving our children generous allowances to buy the products they need instead of having to sell them into virtual slavery to make those products.

Yes, without capitalism, what would parents in third world countries do with their children? Thank goodness we provide the demand that allows them to be productive individuals. Otherwise, they might spend their time playing video games, participating in club sports, and trying to one up the neighbor's children by wearing the latest fashions.

Now if we can only get these same foreign children trained in providing first rate customer support for American companies that have been "forced" to hire adults in third world countries. Thank goodness these folks are willing to do the jobs that Americans won't do.

It certainly makes one feel good to know that we're continuing our efforts to prove our unyielding commitment to assisting the underprivileged people of the world...at a significant profit to U.S. corporations, of course!

Tagged as: Baby Gap, Child Labor, Child Rearing, Corporate Profits, Fashion, Gap, Globalization, Humor, Outsourcing, Sarcasm, Satire, Sweat Shops, The Onion

Daniel DiRito | May 12, 2008 | 11:09 AM | link | Comments (0)
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May 9, 2008

Lewis Black On The Economic Stimulus Package genre: Econ-Recon & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

In the following video clip from The Daily Show, Lewis Black shares his skepticism regarding the recently authorized stimulus checks that are intended to jump start our stalled economy. Needless to say, Black has some choice words for a program that he views as a waste of taxpayer money that he can endorse...as opposed to the endless war in Iraq.

Black laments that the government has skimped on the allowance for children...stating that he can get easily get more than $300 dollars for them on the black market. He's also of the opinion that consumers will spend their windfall on the same junk that has led us into this mess. Black closes by telling us he's spending his $600 dollars on lottery tickets.

Tagged as: Economic Stimulus Package, George W. Bush, Lewis Black, Miley Cyrus, Recession, The Daily Show

Daniel DiRito | May 9, 2008 | 10:00 PM | link | Comments (2)
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Pam Ann Airlines - Like No Other In The World genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

If you've never seen Pam Ann perform, you don't know what you're missing. I first saw her on a cruise a few years back and thought she was hysterical. The following videos give the viewer a sense of her act though nothing can replace the in person experience.

In her act, she plays an airline stewardess for Pam Ann Airlines. As you might imagine, Pam Ann is the epitome of every bad experience one has ever had while flying. She's utterly and completely irreverent and nothing is off limits for Pam Ann.

The first video is a promo for her show and gives you a glimpse of the many faces of Pam Ann as she switches between different stewardess personae....from stodgy British flight attendant to one that will remind you of an uptight German general to a sheepish server from Singapore wearing her signature spectacles.

In the second video, Pam Ann presents the airlines preflight safety instructions.

If you ever have the chance to see her show, you're in for a treat.

Pam Ann - Come Fly With Me

Pam Ann Airlines Safety Instructions

Tagged as: Airlines, Comedy, Flight Attendant, Flight Safety Instructions, Humor, Pam Ann, Satire

Daniel DiRito | May 9, 2008 | 1:54 PM | link | Comments (0)
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May 6, 2008

The WorkOUT: Using Homoeroticism To "Repair" Gays? genre: Gaylingual & Hip-Gnosis & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

This is priceless. The following video is apparently a legitimate advertisement for men seeking to overcome their homosexuality. The fact that it is filled with homoeroticism only reinforces my belief that many of these men are tortured Christians with a limitless ability to disguise their sexual orientation by engaging in acts of denial that are intended to demonstrate their heterosexuality...as well as their devotion to the religious dogma they seem hopelessly driven to embrace.

Honestly, when I first saw the video clip, I thought the program had to be a joke. However, after tracking down the site where it is advertised, it appears to be a "legitimate" attempt to offer services intended to "repair" homosexuality. Of course I know nothing about the credentials of the gentleman offering the program. For all I know, he could simply be an opportunist attempting to play upon the insecurities of men who feel compelled to reject their homosexuality. Even if he is sincere in offering this program, it doesn't negate the absurdity in suggesting that homosexuality can be washed away.

Yes, I believe there are individuals that will go through the motions needed to assert that they have abandoned their homosexuality...but I have to say that I simply don't believe they have actually changed their sexual orientation. Keep in mind that Ted Haggard (the minister from Colorado Springs who hired a male prostitute on numerous occasions) proclaimed his heterosexuality after completing a program that lasted just a few weeks.

Call me a skeptic, but are we to believe that a reversal of sexuality is the equivalent of joining Jenny Craig for two months? I'm sorry, but believing that would be an unrivaled act of faith. On the contrary, I see it as evidence of the sham that is being sold as "reparative therapy".

On that note, there isn't much more that can be said about these ridiculous programs. Instead, it is far more productive to exploit the humor that is so abundantly attached to this particular program and the video by which it is being marketed.

With that said, the following is a list of everything you need to know about the WorkOUT program:

Number Ten:

WorkOUT will help you find your manhood...though this process will require you to frequently drop your pants.

Number Nine:

While it may take several rounds of being in and out (of the program), men who participate in WorkOUT have proven they have the ability and the stamina to go much deeper.

Number Eight:

Every life coach is under 25, sufficiently buff, on standby for urgent emergencies, and very reasonably priced. "Happy endings" are always guaranteed.

Number Seven:

If your manhood doesn't increase during the first phone conversation, you'll have access to videophone encounters designed to jump start the process. Face-to-face meetings are available though the fees for these "meetings" are dependent upon the length of time it takes to maximize your manhood.

Number Six:

911 calls cost $1.99 per minute and the charges will appear on your credit card statement under the name - Meet Christian Singles.

Number Five:

Absolutely no women are involved in administering the WorkOUT program...every man is assured that treatment will be provided by a man who previously entered the treatment regimen and remained engaged until completion.

Number Four:

WorkOUT gear is available on the website. Access to this page requires confirmation that you are over the age of 18. All models have been verified to be at least 18 years old (though definitely not much older).

Number Three:

David Pickup is the founder of WorkOUT. This is his real name and it does not imply that David attends gay bars or frequents online gay chat rooms in order to solicit men for sex. Should you encounter Mr. Pickup in either setting, he is simply seeking men (attractive, fit, and well-groomed) who would be interested in joining WorkOUT and discovering the "benefits" of Christian manhood.

Number Two:

A full understanding of homosexual sex is a prerequisite for admission into the WorkOUT program. Men simply curious about gay sex will not be accepted.

Number One:

Participants in WorkOUT are discouraged from dating women during the time they are enrolled in the program as it may serve to deflate their emerging manhood.

Tagged as: Christian, David Pickup, Gay, Homoeroticism, Homosexuality, Humor, LGBT, Religion, Reparative Therapy, Values, WorkOUT

Daniel DiRito | May 6, 2008 | 3:10 PM | link | Comments (1)
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May 2, 2008

Musings On Prudes, Perverts, Photographs, & Polygamists genre: Hip-Gnosis & Six Degrees of Speculation & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Two recent news items led me to today's musing. The first is the Texas polygamists and the second is the Vanity Fair photo of Miley Cyrus. Both serve to demonstrate the fact that numerous American's have yet to resolve the unhealthy dissonance that seems to accompany any event that can be seen as remotely sexual. That inability provides the backdrop for countless conflicts that surface with virtually every event that remotely triggers the trepidation.

With the Texas polygamists, we have a group of men who seem to be obsessed with having numerous females available for their sexual gratification...couched of course as part and parcel of their religious beliefs. Unfortunately, that obsession apparently leads to a virtual paranoia with regards to insuring that the appearance of their women won't display the slightest hint of sensuality.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but wouldn't you think that if you were going to have multiple wives, you'd want each of them to have a look and an identity of their own? Crass as this may sound, can this preoccupation simply be about having access to numerous vagina's? At the same time, are these individuals so driven by the fear that other males might covet their women that they embark to dress them alike...in garments designed to make them sexually unappealing? No, I don't claim to understand polygamists, but if you look at the pictures of these women, it seems to me that they have been transformed into the equivalent of low budget Stepford wives.

As I look at their prairie day's dresses and their caricature coifs, I can't help but feel for these women and their seeming inability to break free from their oppressive overlords. I'm even more disturbed by their willingness to indoctrinate their daughters into a life that has to be viewed as little more than a patriarchal prison. The structure and the system exude an array of pathologies. It also speaks to an imbalance that seems to be ingrained in many aspects of our society at large.

An example of that manifestation can be found in the recent events surrounding Disney sweetheart Miley Cyrus and the Vanity Fair image taken by renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz. The photo drew tremendous attention and elicited a level of outrage that struck me as rather odd...and abundantly indicative of America's inability to distinguish between puritanical prudery and limitless licentiousness.

In my estimation, the Leibovitz image was harmless...especially when juxtaposed with many of the images, inferences, and adult themes found in the Disney movie that propelled Cyrus to stardom. Frankly, I suspect that this battle between priggery and perversion is a permanent resident in the minds of many adults. As such, they are intent on attaching sexual connotations to each and every event.

The perpetual conflict this creates simply results in irrationality and an inability to strike a reasoned moral balance. It also facilitates calls for the erection (no pun intended) of barriers designed to keep the individual from acting on impulses they feel remiss to control voluntarily. I see religion as an adjunct in this effort to deter desires...one that often exacerbates the inclinations to act out in ways that are apt to sabotage the self and subjugate the actual identity.

Freud compared this to placing the lid on a tube of toothpaste without alleviating the pressure that is being applied to force it's expulsion from the inner layers of it's dark domicile. In this unnatural state, the toothpaste...or in the case of the individual, the often subconscious psyche...seeks out alternate outlets. Rarely are those outlets advisable or compatible with the process of self-awareness.

Returning to the tumult created by the Vanity Fair photo - truth be told, the image of Cyrus has been depicted in classical art forms for centuries and it needn't be viewed as sexually provocative. In fact, it is far less sexual than much of the clothing parents purchase for their children as well as the endless commercials that dad watches during any televised sporting event.

I see the outrage as evidence of an alternate outlet...one that fails to address the underlying discomfort or serves to diminish the dissonance that drives the demands for deterrents and/ or the squelching of subtle triggering events. Like the pendulum in a clock, this approach necessitates extremity as the individual (and therefore often the society) careens from one side to the other until such time as it can be pulled back towards the center.

In the end, the clothes worn by the Texas polygamist women or the lack of clothing worn by Miley Cyrus are simply outward evidence of an internal upheaval that requires recognition. Only then can the individual and the society begin the process of resolution. In the meantime, we're just a Janet Jackson breast away from our next moment of misguided moralizing.

In the following video, Mo Rocca and Tim Gunn take a tongue-in-cheek look at polygamist fashion. I get the impression that both men think the look is more akin to recidivism than with a retro revival.

Following the video are two graphics that seek to capture the intertwining, and the essence, of these two events. Hopefully they will also trigger a few moments of reflection as well as an honest assessment of the hypocrisy that has come to typify our convoluted culture.

TexasPolygamists.jpg

MileyCyrusVanityFair.jpg

Tagged as: Annie Leibvitz, Culture, Disney, Fashion, Hannah Montana, Humor, Miley Cyrus, Mo Rocca, Morals, Polygamist Sect, Polygamy, Psychology, Religion, Sexuality, Texas, Tim Gunn, Values, Vanity Fair

Daniel DiRito | May 2, 2008 | 1:22 PM | link | Comments (0)
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