Tongue-In-Cheek: June 2007: Archives

June 29, 2007

The Daily Show: Immigrants Bring Disease? genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

The Daily Show takes on the failed immigration bill with its typical irreverence. John Hodgman, resident expert on the Daily Show, does another one of his hard hitting exposes on why the immigration bill failed. Hodgman tells us that the debate over immigration is a public health issue...immigrants are bring leprosy and tuberculosis to the United States. Hodgman suggests that as leprosy spreads, Americans will lose more of their fingers...eventually ending up with hoof like appendages.

Daniel DiRito | June 29, 2007 | 9:17 AM | link | Comments (0)
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June 18, 2007

Evangelicals Respond To Trojan Condom Ad genre: Hip-Gnosis & Little Red Ribbon-Hood & Tongue-In-Cheek

So the bottom line must be that contraception and contraception products promote sex for pleasure...which makes the new Trojan Condom ad campaign off limits for Fox and CBS. The networks are apparently only willing to air condom commercials that have disease prevention as the theme, and not those with a message aimed at pregnancy prevention.

The new ad campaign is called "Evolve" and the message is to use a condom every time. The problem arises from the setting and the storyline for the campaign. The ad takes place in a bar and uses pigs to depict men looking to connect with women. Once the pig purchases a condom from a vending machine in the bathroom, it is transformed into an attractive male who draws the attention of the woman seated at the bar. You can view the ad here.

From The New York Times:

Representatives for both Fox and CBS confirmed that they had refused the ads, but declined to comment further.

In a written response to Trojan, though, Fox said that it had rejected the spot because, “Contraceptive advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy."

In its rejection, CBS wrote, “while we understand and appreciate the humor of this creative, we do not find it appropriate for our network even with late-night-only restrictions."

“It’s so hypocritical for any network in this culture to go all puritanical on the subject of condom use when their programming is so salacious," said Mark Crispin Miller, a media critic who teaches at New York University. “I mean, let’s get real here. Fox and CBS and all of them are in the business of nonstop soft porn, but God forbid we should use a condom in the pursuit of sexual pleasure."

“With a 75 percent share of the market, we can prioritize growing the category and increasing overall condom usage," Mr. Daniels [Vice President for Marketing] said. “Right now in the U.S. only one in four sex acts involves using a condom. That’s dramatically below usage rates in other developed countries. Our goal is to dramatically increase use."

“The ‘Evolve’ ad does a nice job of being humorous, but it’s also a serious call to action," Mr. Daniels said. “The pigs are a symbol of irresponsible sexual behavior, and are juxtaposed with the condom as a responsible symbol of respect for oneself and one’s partner."

The industry typically tries to reach men, but this campaign’s ads are running in Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Trojan sees growth potential in women customers, who make only 30 percent of condom purchases.


To say that the mentality at Fox and CBS is archaic would be a kind characterization. Its common knowledge that a large share of television advertising and programming uses sex as a draw…a fact that clearly illuminates the hypocrisy of these networks. Apparently the rationale suggests that one simply cannot focus on measures that could protect one from sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, or being forced to confront the possibility of an abortion…if they remotely suggest that people willfully engage in sex for pleasure.

The fact that 75 percent of all sexual acts performed in the United States take place without the use of a condom is beyond the realm of rationality. Anyone that believes that the extinguishing of sex for pleasure will eventually be the accepted moral directive and that abstinence will eventually transform the sexual practices of the nation and the world is living in denial. It just isn't going to happen.

A number of months back, Thought Theater posted a video clip of a safe sex advertisement that ran on French ad that wouldn't have a chance of airing on U.S. television.

When confronted with irrationality, it seems that I often turn to humor. Perhaps it helps diffuse the frustration. Regardless, a little laughter never hurts. The following is my own satirical tongue-in-cheek visual of an ad campaign that would stand a good chance of airing on CBS and Fox.

Devolve...Pray For A Miracle Every Time

Evangelical Brand Products

Daniel DiRito | June 18, 2007 | 3:31 PM | link | Comments (0)
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June 16, 2007

Colbert - The Word: Pathophysiology & Gays genre: Gaylingual & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Stephen Colbert takes on the nomination of James Holsinger to be the new Surgeon General in a new segment of the word titled "Pathophysiology"...a word in the title of a paper Holsinger wrote for the Methodist Church on homosexuality. In that report, Holsinger suggests that homosexuality is unnatural and leads to illness and disease.

Colbert concludes that gays should come with a warning label...something that probably makes more sense to Holsinger than any thoughtful person would care to know.

Thought Theater previously provided a tongue-in-cheek list of the top ten reasons George Bush nominated James Holsinger to be the Surgeon General...which can be found here.

Daniel DiRito | June 16, 2007 | 8:43 AM | link | Comments (0)
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June 12, 2007

The Daily Show: Is Nascar Getting A Little Fruity? genre: Gaylingual & Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Samantha Bee brings us another in depth expose...this time on whether Nascar is getting a little too gay. With Garnier Fructis sponsoring a car and offering free makeovers at the track, Samantha thinks Nascar is a little fruitier than we may have assumed.

Daniel DiRito | June 12, 2007 | 7:46 PM | link | Comments (0)
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June 11, 2007

The Evolution Of The GOP genre: Hip-Gnosis & Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Typically we view the passage of time to be commensurate with enlightenment and knowledge...and the advances we have seen in science, technology, medicine, and countless other areas over the centuries are a testament to man's capacity for growth. Unfortunately, we can also track the efforts of religion to stymie many of these advancements...especially when they are perceived to conflict with established doctrine and dogma. To be fair, religion has acquiesced on a number of issues over the years...though it has taken far longer than would seem warranted.

A new Gallup poll offers insight into the latest point of that seems to indicate religious beliefs are moving in a direction opposite to that of science. Gallup News reports that a significant majority of Republicans do not believe in the concept of evolution.

PRINCETON, NJ -- The majority of Republicans in the United States do not believe the theory of evolution is true and do not believe that humans evolved over millions of years from less advanced forms of life. This suggests that when three Republican presidential candidates at a May debate stated they did not believe in evolution, they were generally in sync with the bulk of the rank-and-file Republicans whose nomination they are seeking to obtain.

Independents and Democrats are more likely than Republicans to believe in the theory of evolution. But even among non-Republicans there appears to be a significant minority who doubt that evolution adequately explains where humans came from.

The theory of evolution as an explanation for the origin and development of life has been controversial for centuries, and, in particular, since the 1859 publication of Charles Darwin's famous The Origin of Species. Although many scientists accept evolution as the best theoretical explanation for diversity in forms of life on Earth, the issue of its validity has risen again as an important issue in the current 2008 presidential campaign. Two recent Republican debates have included questions to the candidates about evolution. Three candidates -- Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee, and Tom Tancredo -- indicated in response to a question during the May 3 debate that they did not believe in the theory of evolution, although they have attempted to clarify their positions in the weeks since.

From The Gallup Poll


I understand the need to explain our existence...and I accept that different people have differing views. What troubles me is the degree to which the need to believe in a god and the promise of an afterlife is allowed to skew one's acceptance of science. It seems that the more certainty that science uncovers, the more firmly religious beliefs are embraced by believers.

My own explanation of this phenomenon is that people who use religion to deal with their pending mortality are compelled to increase the degree to which they refute science each time science provides more evidence that is likely to create doubt. It becomes an internal battle within the psyche that requires believers to ratchet up the absolute nature of the doctrines they embrace in order to fend off their own fears and doubts.

In essence, science and the current dynamic that pits religion against secularism; faith against science...are locked in the throes of an inverse equation. Whether that construct can be disassembled remains to be seen. Clearly, the tenuous nature of the world and our involvement in wars and pending threats of terrorism hinder the likelihood of progress.

In keeping with my inverse equation theory, the following is my tongue-in-cheek depiction of the trend amongst GOP voters to reject evolution. If I didn't know better, I would conclude that the creature at the front of the line is none other than our Commander in Chief...but everyone knows he's not a monkey...he's a lame duck.

The GOP And Evolution

Daniel DiRito | June 11, 2007 | 1:46 PM | link | Comments (0)
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June 9, 2007

SNL TV Funhouse: 2008 Candidates Air Dirty Laundry genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

I've always thought SNL's TV Funhouse was kind of a hit and miss segment...they're either really good or really least that's my opinion. I think the following clip is one of the good ones. Here's the set up...Oprah has all of the potential 2008 presidential candidates on her show and they are being given an opportunity to air their dirty laundry before the campaign moves into full swing. The tendency to exaggerate and the competitive nature takes over and they're quickly in the middle of what could only be characterized as a Jerry Springer episode.

Daniel DiRito | June 9, 2007 | 1:08 PM | link | Comments (0)
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June 8, 2007

All About Adam...And Eve genre: Hip-Gnosis & Tongue-In-Cheek

The Creation Museum is back in the news, although I doubt that this is the publicity they were hoping for since their recent opening of the facility. It seems that the actor for the museum's video on Adam and Eve has done his share of frolicking in the nude...and the location wasn't called the Garden of Eden.

From The

The man who plays Adam in a video aired at a Bible-based creationist museum has led a different life outside the Garden of Eden, flaunting his sexual exploits online and modeling for a clothing line that promotes free love.

After learning about his activities Thursday, the Creation Museum in Kentucky pulled the 40-second video in which he appears.

"We are currently investigating the veracity of these serious claims of his participation in projects that don't align with the biblical standards and moral code upon which the ministry was founded," Answers for Genesis spokesman Mark Looy said in a written statement.

The actor, Eric Linden, owns a graphic Web site called Bedroom Acrobat, where he has been pictured, smiling alongside a drag queen, in a T-shirt brandishing the site's sexually suggestive logo. The Web site, which has a network of members, allows users to post explicit stories and photos.

He also sells clothing for SFX International, whose initials appear on clothing to spell "SEX" from afar. It promotes "free love,""pleasure" and "thrillz."

"For the Creation Museum, I did what I did as an actor. It doesn't necessarily mean I believe in evolution or a believe in creation," Linden said. "I'm hired to get a point across. On the flip side, if I was hired to play a murderer, that doesn't mean I'd go out and kill somebody. It's make-believe."


I think Mr. Linden was a good choice for the museum's video on Adam and Eve...after all he was an actor playing a character in a fictitious depiction on the origin of man. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

When I read about this latest brouhaha, I remembered an editorial cartoon sent to me by a friend. I've included it below. Since we're focused on the story of Adam and Eve, we might as well get an alternate take on the fable...this one conforms to the beliefs one might have found in Afghanistan during the Taliban's heyday.

H/T to Shakesville

Adam And Eve

Daniel DiRito | June 8, 2007 | 5:23 PM | link | Comments (0)
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Paris Hilton: The Big-Attitudes genre: Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

I've not yet commented on the Paris Hilton situation...but in light of her early release from jail...and her now being brought back to court to face the judge that sentenced her to jail...followed by her being sent back to jail...I felt it warranted a few words and a little tongue-in-cheek humor.

First, the serious part. In the aftermath of the Virginia Tech tragedy, I wrote about what I call our "Chain Letter Society"...the notion that we have become obsessed with the pursuit of fame, being number one, and winning at all costs. I've suggested that their wish to see their children succeed...may actually be handicapping the ability of a child to grow up and function as an adult in the real world.

Paris Hilton and other young role models demonstrate the concerns I've voiced. The mindset becomes such that they believe they are, in fact, entitled and beyond reproach. They have lived a life in which their parents have programmed them to believe they are destined for greatness and that desire is all that is required to attain the notoriety which they have been promised.

Unfortunately, when many of these young people are forced to encounter the world as it is...rather than as it has been described...they fail miserably. The expectations they bring to adulthood are virtually delusional...and they are not prepared to encounter life's travails. Worse yet, they believe that life will accommodate them in the same way they have been accommodated by their parents. This often leads them to disregard society's rules...assuming they apply to others but not to them.

The problem we face as more of these children enter the real world is that they are not only unprepared to be contributing citizens, they are unwilling to accept the consequences of their actions. What we can or will do to address this burgeoning problem remains to be seen. I can't say that I'm optimistic about the outcome.

Now the silly stuff. As I thought about the Paris Hilton fiasco, the Biblical Beatitudes came to I decided to offer my own satirical version which I'm calling, "The Big-Attitudes".

Paris Hilton: The Big-Attitudes

Paris Hilton: The Big-Attitudes

Daniel DiRito | June 8, 2007 | 12:13 PM | link | Comments (4)
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June 7, 2007

Jon Stewart Reviews The GOP Debate genre: Tongue-In-Cheek & Video-Philes

Jon Stewart brings us all that's relevant with regard to the latest GOP presidential candidate debate. Stewart finds a few gems and deciphers the essence of the GOP message for viewers...with the wit and sarcasm that has become routine fare for The Daily Show. I especially enjoyed when Stewart gives Mitt Romney a vocabulary lesson on the use of the term "non sequitur".

Daniel DiRito | June 7, 2007 | 12:50 PM | link | Comments (0)
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June 6, 2007

GOP Candidates' Big Crock...Tears For Scooter Libby genre: Snapshot Thoughts & Tongue-In-Cheek

Scooter Libby was sentenced to thirty months in prison for his conviction on lying to FBI agents and the Grand Jury in relation to the investigation into the leaking of the name of CIA operative, Valerie Plame.

In last evenings GOP debate, each of the candidates were asked about the prospect that they would pardon Libby. My impression is that the Republican Party views the Libby conviction as the equivalent of Bill Clinton's impeachment for perjury...which leads many to conclude that the thirty month sentence is harsh and unwarranted.

While one could argue against that assertion, the thing that struck me in the answers given last night was the degree to which a number of the candidates minimized the criminal actions behind the situation. Here’s the rub I have with the apparent sympathy for Libby...this is the same party that wants to wear its moral superiority on its sleeve...the same party that sees no need for hate crimes legislation...the same party that is comfortable with the discharge of high value translators from the military because they are gay...the same party that thinks twelve million hard working illegal immigrants ought to be denied a path to citizenship...the same party that opposed the removal of sodomy laws which made it a crime to engage in consensual homosexual sex...the same party that wants to make the burning of a flag a crime...the same party that would send an exemplary mother to jail if she had an abortion following an accidental late in life pregnancy...the same party that pushed for larger FCC penalties because they were in an uproar when Janet Jackson's breast made an appearance on television during the Super Bowl...the same party that ran the White House when Americans sat in front of their televisions following Katrina and watched in horror as people were left to suffer as a result of government incompetence.

Where were these men when cases like that of 17 year old honor student Genarlow Wilson made headlines? Wilson is serving a ten year sentence in Georgia for having had consensual oral sex with a 15 year old girl. He wouldn't have been sent to prison if he had had sexual intercourse...that falls under a "Romeo & Juliet law in Georgia...however oral sex between underage teens constituted "aggravated child molestation and carried a mandatory sentence".

An example of the shameful inconsistency might be helpful. When Terry Schiavo's husband sought to carry out the wishes of his wife and allow her to die, not only did these lock step zombie politicians rally to prevent her passage, they enacted legislation to prevent her death and the president flew back from Texas just to sign the bill...despite pages and pages of evidence that Mrs. Schiavo was in a permanent vegetative state. That wasn't all...many GOP politicians attacked Michael Schiavo...portraying him as some type of monster husband intent on ridding himself of his men that trade in old wives as if they were used cars.

I could go on but I think you get the picture. As I watched these politicians wax on about poor Scooter, I couldn't help but see why the GOP has been stereotyped as the good old boys club for white men who live in virtual isolation and routinely demonstrate abject disregard for all things unfamiliar. The minute one of their own is assailed and brought to justice, they become spokespeople for the elimination of injustice. Unfortunately, that leaves out Mexicans, gays, African Americans, poor people, uninsured people, women (unless they're the age of their daughters, have big breasts, and prone to kowtowing to old men with cash and clout), the evil entertainment industry (unless you would make a good governor or president), and all others outside the purview and the playground of these pampered and pompous prevaricators.

GOP Candidates' Debate Comments On Libby Pardon

Libby's Libby's Libby's On The Label Label Label

Libby's In The Can

Daniel DiRito | June 6, 2007 | 1:59 PM | link | Comments (3)
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June 1, 2007

Top Ten Reasons GOP Voters Prefer Fred Thompson genre: Polispeak & Tongue-In-Cheek

Smokin Fred Thompson

GOP voters are anxiously awaiting the presidential candidacy of Fred Thompson. In response to a Thought Theater survey, the following are the top ten reasons they prefer Fred Thompson be the Republican nominee:

10. If you’re going to tell American voters tall tales, you need to nominate the tallest candidate.

9. GOP voters expect their politicians to tell them what they want to hear…and they insist that the nominee is able to execute that task well and with flair.

8. GOP voters are skittish about men like John McCain…they prefer that their presidential candidates either have no military experience or that they know how to fake it.

7. He has experience with partisan presidential politics…he starred in The Hunt For Red October…which should translate well into a red November.

6. Rudy Giuliani brought law and order to New York City…but Fred Thompson brought Law & Order to every American home.

5. He would do a much better job with natural disasters like Katrina…he learned the dangers of wind and water when filming Cape Fear.

4. Actors make the best GOP candidates…you give them a script, they memorize it, and they repeat it over and over again.

3. He won’t be afraid to continue the Bush administration’s torture policy…he’s already threatened to give Michael Moore electro-shock therapy in Cuba.

2. Mitt Romney may have Ronald Reagan’s hair…but Fred Thompson can be counted on to continue the Reagan tradition of having only one wife at a time.

1. Since the Clinton presidency, GOP voters want to be sure that their president prefers to smoke his cigars.

Daniel DiRito | June 1, 2007 | 1:05 PM | link | Comments (5)
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